I was in the car with my wife on my way to take her to the shop for her clients on time. We were already running a bit late, and you’ll see just then shit happens: the road was closed, and we had to take a major detour and would likely arrive late. Before I knew it, I said out loud: “Shit!”
To which she immediately responded with the following words: “Stop saying that, especially in the morning when you want to make it a beautiful day!”
I sat strucked behind the wheel, and I knew she was thoroughly right.
Do you know that feeling, when you experience a setback and the first thing you do is swear? Instincts sometimes come like a spark of irritation over which we seem to have no control.
It is understandable that I was ‘pissed off’ for a moment, even though it was only fueled by my own expectations of what is supposed to be. Thank God I was able to quickly give it a self-compassionate spin this time, so that I didn't ruin the rest of the morning for myself and those around me.
But above all, the realization that I was actually getting in my own way and my partner's way with my grumpiness at that particular moment. And that is how you can infect yourself or those around you for a whole hour, a whole day, or longer. At work, too.
What mode do you stay in when faced with a setback? And for how long? Is there a choice?
Yes, there is a choice. Before and during!
The moment you notice in yourself (or have someone else notice) that you are feeling a bit grumpy because something is disappointing, you can choose, ‘during’ that circumstance, to accept what is ‘really’ there at that moment, and its consequences. Such as the fact that you might be late for a client once in a while, even though it is not your preference.
It is even better if you accept everything that is beforehand, or actually always, and that it comes to you in the here and now. For easy and beautiful things come your way, but so do difficult and unpleasant things. Both at work and in your private life.
The only thing that generates dysfunctional irritation or anger and can ruin your day and that of those around you are ‘your own expectations’. However, if you live and work without your own attachment to expectations, space and inner peace emerge from which you deal with setbacks much more relaxed. Then you accept whatever comes your way and look for solutions to tackle matters ‘differently’ than you had envisioned. Much more constructively.
Give it a try, and I predict: your day will become a lot brighter.
Best wishes, Martin
© 2026: Martin Thoolen
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