Why do we have wars?
Principally due to the influence of the incumbent world leaders.
No more war? High time for ‘Truly Beloved Leaders’.
Because the current leaders, who are fanning the flames of war, will not change fundamentally. But what exactly is going on, and what is needed to make a better world?
In my upcoming books and new `Masterclass Year’ on ‘Inspired leadership’ you can find answers, which I would like to start sharing with you now.
“Much of the evil in the world is due to the fact that man in general is hopelessly unconscious”
Carl Jung
In broad terms, you can distinguish between two types of leaders: Ego Leaders and Inspired Leaders. To end wars, the leaders. yourself must change, and new leaders arise who are seen to be Inspired Leaders.
“The only thing that leads to war is ego”
Ego leaders are leaders who insidiously enact old-fashioned leadership styles based on their patriarchal ego. Every ego has various passengers that control your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. For instance, your inner pleaser, pusher or perfectionist. However, ego leaders frequently have a dominant inner patriarch who unconsciously takes the reins. They are steered by their inner patriarchand are usually unaware that this is happening. But if this ego passenger is too strongly represented it causes polarisation, division, conflict and war. But how?
The patriarch is the paternal side of both male and female egos. It is the side that always positions itself above everyone, and women in particular (this can be a basic attitude, as shown by Leary’s Rose). Leary’s Rose illustrates that people can have different interactive attitudes, varying from above/below to opposed/together.
Ideally, this side really cares for the people that he feels responsible for. The patriarch uses his power resources appropriately in the best interests of the entire community that he leads, or thinks he leads. He rewards, punishes or ignores others in both tangible and intangible ways. The patriarch has a dominant bearing in thought or action – ‘his will is law; he decides and commands.’ He relies on knowledge being power and, when push comes to shove, he will display his power while concealing his vulnerable side. He can broadcast effectively, but has poor reception and listening skills. He minimises or dismisses criticism directed towards him, obstructing any effective action. He will also more readily accept something from a man, than a woman due to his covert belief in male superiority. When the patriarch does not get his way we often see a child of their ego suddenly throw a violent tantrum.
However, if leaders’ egos take on even more extreme forms this can lead to them falling into one of eight ego-coup roles, namely:
When the inner patriarch in leaders takes on extreme forms we often see a combination of these roles, which control their thoughts, behaviour and choices. In any case, we see the ‘Ruler’ come more to the fore in their way of being.
In this case, a leader cares for his people, according to a ‘personal diktat.’ He does whatever it takes to be on top, because then he will have more power and influence. They put themselves above others, who must obey their will in order to meet their needs. To achieve this, they use a wide range of power resources, not just the aforementioned position of power. But strong powers of persuasion (which is sometimes expressed as literally screaming at ‘your people’), charisma, strategic traits (including lying) expertise or knowledge, income or status or networks can also be employed to impose their will on others.
If the people ‘under them’ are not obedient, they condemn them and try to get rid of them. The driving force is the fear that they, or their group, will be inadequate or enjoy less prestige. They consistently communicate this fear by means of threats issued to those who think differently. By intimidation. For instance, when the chairman of the board gives you hell, while it is not you but several incumbent administrators who are incompetent. Or threatening using displays of power – from threats of dismissal to military parades with nuclear missiles.
“Every system or relationship that does not give space for the existence and unique expression of the soul, imprisons the soul”
You make your allies dependent by giving preferential treatment and other privileges. For example, in the Corona policy that was enforced by a great many countries all over the world we saw preferred groups, and others who were free to kick the bucket. Vaccines first went to the rich, and then the poor.
Als je ego nog meer wilt overheersen, breid je je territorium aan eigen bevoegdheden uit en laat ze – als het even kan – vastleggen in statutaire bepalingen, soms tot aan de grondwet toe. Daardoor trek je nog meer macht naar je toe. Kijk maar naar sommigen van onze huidige dictatoriale regeringsleiders. En daar blijft het niet bij, want liefst breiden ze letterlijk hun territorium uit en beroven andere volkeren van hun land. Om zichzelf en hun voorkeursgroep te bedienen. Ten koste van anderen.
This ego-based leadership style always reinforces polarisation and separation between people, nations and ethnic groups/peoples because a part of the group, which has not been listened to sufficiently, is excluded. A milder form is the emergence of protests, which ego-leaders have prompted with their own behaviour. For example, underpayment of care staff in the Netherlands, from citizens suspected of tax fraud who are ignored for years to farmers who are not actually being heard. We have seen this happen all over the world for centuries on a larger and more extreme scale.
But things can be different if ‘Inspired Leaders’ rule the world.
Inspired Leaders are leaders who seek cooperation, connection and peace. They are aware of how their own ego and soul works, and how this affects their choices and behaviour. They are open to criticism, approachable and actually accept their own share of responsibility for their actions.
They are honest and speak freely, when the truth is under threat. They are truth-finders who reveal its essence. They see past the lies and disinformation used by rulers. They don’t judge when there are differences of opinion, but explore the underlying motivations on the basis of curiosity. They always seek respectful dialogue in order to build bridges.
These leaders want equality for everyone. Their policy is geared to equal rights for everyone. For example, voting rights, rewards, sufficient healthy food and drink, shelter, healthcare and education shared fairly for everyone. Any success and income that they enjoy is shared with their people. If you do this with some of the indigenous peoples in the USA, you receive a success feather because you have shared your success with the community.
These leaders motivate and empower their people. They create team spirit. People under them feel really seen, heard and supported. This is why these leaders are often so beloved by most of the population. Take a look back in history and you frequently hear the populace praise these leaders, even if they have been dead for a long time: Nelson Mandela (South Africa); Mahatma Ghandi (India); Dr. Martin Luther King (USA), King Rama IX Bhumibol Adulyadej (Thailand), Chief Dan George (BC, Canada) to name but a few.
If you look around the world today you can see that all the leaders of the following countries have this separating style of leadership: Russia, Brazil the Philippines, Turkey, Belarus, Syria, Venezuela, North Korea and China, to name but a few. They add to people’s pain and suffering with emotional, physical or intellectual captivity.
“If you do not change, you never can change society”
Nelson Mandela
Do you, as a leader and non-leader, want to contribute to a better world?
Are you a leader, administrator, director or executive? Or a department head, team leader or manager? Or a mother of a family? All these leaders can make a better world! And even if you are not a leader, you can contribute so many beautiful things to a better world, as you can read in my previous article on personal leadership: https://bit.ly/3JjJzJd
In short, there at least three ways prevent war and restore peace:
Imagine what will happen when your (personal or collective) leadership is lifted to a higher level. Your input will be regarded as even more useful and fulfilling by you and ‘your’ people. As a leader you will contribute even more to the community. Most people will start to see you as a ‘popular leader.’ You will also be able to deal with the contradictory interests of parties that you are involved with even more effectively and diplomatically. Your leadership evolves from ego-leadership to inspired leadership.
But how will your leadership be most effective?How do you maximise the potential and enjoyment of your people? And how do you make a personal contribution to a better world?
As a leader and non-leader, you can do and develop so much to boost your contribution to a better world. And it also gives your life more meaning.
In everything you do, check whether your ego is dominant. Do you sincerely approach people from a place of positivity, curiosity, neutrality, honesty and connection?
Would you like to dig deeper and enrich yourself with a valuable contribution to your work and life? Then I am currently offering four (and five in 2023) services that can inspire you as a leader:
Would you like to know more? https://martinthoolen.com/en/ or app, call or e-mail me, and I will reply as soon as possible.
Thank you for reading this article and I hope that we can make a more beautiful world together!
Warmest regards,
Martin
#nowar #peace #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #Executivecoaching
© 2022: Martin Thoolen
Have you ever spent 5 days without access to a telephone and the Internet?
I hadn’t, until this week.
My God, it can be unbelievably boring at times. Boring?
Simply because I am used to something different in the Netherlands
But it is simultaneously silently, unbelievably impressive and enlightening.
Imagine if we all ‘worked and lived more naturally’ a little more?’ What then? And how?
My wife is an ‘Indigenous Native’ of the spiritual Karen People 'The Karen People'who have inhabited the border region between Myanmar and Thailand for centuries. They believe that all objects have a soul, which is reminiscent of what I saw when I visited the ‘First Nations' in Canada, BA and other indigenous peoples around the world. One of their most important expressions is: ‘Give me liberty or give me death’. ’ She often tells me: ‘I come from poor people; we live easy.’
‘I come from poor people, we live easy’
After heading North from Kanchanaburi (the location of the famous bridge over the river Kwai) with the car, a ferry and a longboat for 4 hours I find myself deep in the jungle, on her native soil. Up to that time I had interacted with a great many indigenous peoples during my extensive travels, but had never actually lived amongst them for a while, even if it was
The fact that I cannot access the Internet means that I have no distractions. And my lack of fluency in either the Karen or Thai language obliges me to absorb everything in silence.
Just being…which allows a host of ‘felt insights’ to come flooding in.
Merciless mirrors of reflection
There is not a single supermarket in the entire village and local region. Nature is the cheapest supermarket, and chemical-free. They live off the nature that surrounds them, cultivating and eating: rice, maize, mangos, papaya, vegetables, chili peppers, tamarind, ginger, cardamom, mushrooms, garlic, limes, cucumber, eggplants and bamboo shoots. When something is needed, my wife just picks it from the tree and that’s it. This ‘haute cuisine’ suffices.
And they don’t sell any ‘super-soft’ five-ply toilet paperzachtheid’ packaged in plastic there either. No, you just wipe your backside with flowing water.
Just imagine sustaining yourself with natural foods and buying less plastic packaging. Try it for a while. Feel the positive effect on your vitality and the realisation that you are contributing to a cleaner world, even if only in a small way.
The Karen People don’t have alarm clocks. They live and work with the rhythms of nature. Waking at dawn to work on the land, and going to bed earlier, when it gets dark. This promotes great vitality to an extremely old age.
Try it for a week and see what it does to you.
As I have absolutely no telephone or Internet connection for 5 days I am obliged to seek contact with the people around me without the assistance of social media. Even though I don’t speak the language, ‘Live’ face-to-face contact is so energetic and so real
Visit each other more often, even if it takes hours of travel. Leave your smartphone at home. Be yourself during your interaction with others and occasionally share your innermost feelings. See how much more fulfilling real connection can be for you.
‘Living live with each other, makes you alive’
They don’t serve food on separate plates. Food and drink are served amongst and with other families. They just walk into each other’s little wooden houses on poles, dwelling to eat with other people, occasionally bringing food. The meal is eaten from collective dishes placed on the ground in the middle of the circle of diners.
We sometimes replicate this at Christmas or Easter, and it immediately gives us a feeling of togetherness and communal happiness while we eat and share stories. So connecting. Try it more often throughout the year with your family, friends, neighbours or colleagues, even if it is not what you normally do, and see what happens. You will go home with a warmer heart.
The 'The Karen People' don’t have Old Age Homes.My wife was shocked to the core when she saw a block of flats used to house senior citizens in the Netherlands. She said: ‘How do you dare to lock your parents up like that!’ And if you stop to think, it is actually a closed house of death where loneliness thrives and the aged die faster. After all, an old tree that is not moved stays healthy for longer.
"An old tree that is not moved stays healthy for longer"
In the Netherlands we don’t have time to visit our father or mother regularly. Why? We are too involved with our personal material, needs or development. However, in the village they care for their elders until they die.
Visit your parents more often and stay longer than you are used to. Just being there for them will enrich you. Remember that they are the ones who gave you this life, just like your ancestors. Honour them, and you will never regret it.
And don’t understand me wrong, you might not find it easy. Here too, egos can obstruct and create unnecessary tension. We are very similar in this way. Like when a neighbour plays deafening music at three in the morning, ruining other people’s sleep. Don’t think that you can tell him to turn it down. The reaction might involve a gun being pointed at you.
So, it is not a paradise, but we can learn to live with a natural connection that we in the West have often lost. It will boost your vitality and happiness.
And that is what I wish for each and every one of you. Try acting on my suggestions more often and feel what it does to you, your friends, neighbours and colleagues.
You will be surprised.
#naturalliving #coaching #personaleadership #personalempowerment
© 2022: Martin Thoolen
A better 2022?
Is that possible? For me too?
You might not believe it. Because we are all going through ‘heavy weather’. And there are clear signs that things will deteriorate in 2022.
Nevertheless, it is possible! A better 2022 for you!
Not just the pandemic, but above all the manner in which many world leaders behave and make choices is creating a profound sense of foreboding. The majority are acting on the basis of national egoism and narcissism, which limits our freedom to live. National governments are systematically ineffectual and lack good leadership, private dramas play out behind closed doors (whether they are within families or amongst neighbours) and loved ones are lost due to Corona. Polarisation, grief and aggression rule the day.
I can't make it better than it is, but it will get even worse in 2022. I like to shed some light on that inconvenient truth as well. Why worse?
Due to at least four current developments:
The fact that the truth is becoming increasingly apparent threatens the positions of many leaders. They will do anything to retain and expand their power instead of truly representing the people. The consequence – ego strategies that guarantee personal interests or those of a political party become the driving force – denial, lies, character assassination and personal attacks. Unfortunately, in recent years we have witnessed this to an extreme degree in the political debates in our government (the upper and lower chamber), where a great many politicians constantly allow their egos to rampage. How?
By stigmatising each other and launching personal attacks, permitting personal or party interests to prevail over everything else, lying as a matter of course, systematically failing to fulfil agreements, not putting words into practice (For example, the phrase ‘New Leadership’, which is a hollow concept), slandering opponents, failing to listen to the people, acting in a socially desirable manner on the basis of personal interest rather than sincerity, refusing to accept responsibility and step down when policies are ineffective in the long term and making extreme statements that shock or offend other population groups. Mutual respect is nowhere to be found and courtesy has abandoned the chambers of power and politics. ‘Courtesy has abandoned the chambers of power’
‘Courtesy has abandoned the chambers of power’
Despite the incumbent leaders’ anxious efforts to maintain their ‘false ego construction’, the light of truth will penetrate sooner or later. Or as my mother used to say, ‘honesty lasts longest’. So old power structures start to evaporate. You can see this in the fact that the old party systems, with 3 to 6 parties, no longer endure and there are now significantly more political parties, further highlighting the division.
The fact that the cabinet formation stands on an energetic foundation of lies, dishonesty and personal interest means that it can absolutely never function effectively. It lacks any credibility, and trust in the leaders has melted ‘like snow in the sun’ for the umpteenth time.
I therefore predict that if, nevertheless, a new cabinet is formed in 2022 on the basis of the latest election results the government will more likely have to deal with far more civil unrest or, worse still, a civil war than it will contribute to peace and unity. Besides this, we, as a people, need a vision and strategy that will genuinely be enacted by the leadership. The current administration has proven over many years that it lacks competence for this, which consistently amplifies the cry for new leaders. A re-election, as a current snapshot, is necessary for peace in the country.
However, I suspect that the egos of politicians and political parties will briefly prevail and evoke the old familiarity, security and false sense of peace in order to quickly pick up where they left off with the old crew. A temporary pyrrhic victory for the old politicians, after which the true nature of the administrators will dominate, guide decisions and further exacerbate polarisation.
Our leaders will, therefore, not make things easy for you in 2022. But 2022 can still be a better year for you if you enact in your own life and work what ‘our’ leaders have, to date, systematically omitted.
‘It will be a better year for you if you enact in your own life and work what ‘our’ leaders have, to date, systematically omitted.’
Assume leadership of your own life! There are always situations that can make you upset But if they occur in rapid succession it can make you really sick. Before you know it you lose yourself, unnoticed, in constant complaining. And that doesn’t usually make you feel any better. Don’t wait for the leaders but develop your own leadership and don’t allow your well-being to depend on them.
Don’t wait for the leaders, but develop your own leadership and don’t allow your well-being to depend on them’
When leaders fail to lead, complaining and your own anger or feeling of victimhood can easily start to control you. What is it that leaders apparently lack that you yourself can contribute to your own environment? Every day!
Today’s politicians and leaders are apparently largely incapable of doing this. Why? Their personality. Their ego is the primary reason.
You would almost think – look for a job elsewhere – especially when considering the administrators and leaders dominated by ego and narcissism (usually without them realising that this is the case). If they listen, it is usually in a socially desirable manner in order to see their personal interests served. Along the lines of ‘If I agree, if I say that you are right, then you will shut up again for a while and I can continue with my own plans.’ What other listening skills can you expect? If you are lucky, administrators hear opposing arguments from the public regarding the implemented policy, and then take little or no action or intervene far too late. In short, the leadership does not really listen to the people.
I will mention several well-known facts that highlight how administrators have partially or completely failed to listen to the people over the years: the dividend scandal, the nitrogen scandal, the allowance scandal, the extraction of natural gas in Groningen, the Corona policy, the housing shortage, etc. How many scandals can they cause before they are shown the door? The misplaced inviolability of incompetent leaders let them stay longer than is good for an organisation or country. I wish for this to change worldwide and fire those leaders for structural mismanagement by an independent ethical Commission.
Research has revealed that the behaviour of leaders and administrators who occupy formal positions of power functions as a living example for the public. And this has an enormous influence. So, when our leaders do not listen to the people they set an example of non-listening Why then, should the people listen to the leaders? Years of egocentric behaviour on the part of administrators and the lack of real listening means that the people no longer listen to the government and make their own choices.
Moreover, administrators ignoring the people often works as a punishment in terms of behavioural psychology, further exacerbating polarisation. ‘When leaders ignore citizens, they contribute to the unnecessary polarisation and violence in the country’.
‘When leaders ignore citizens, they contribute to the unnecessary polarisation and violence in the country’
Watch how our leaders actually talk to each other and the public. And if the people (understandably) don’t listen for once and riots break out, should they be punished, but not our leaders?
And please don’t misunderstand me. People who threaten and attack care workers are beyond the pale. This must be stopped and more heavily punished. And you can certainly condemn it as indecent, criminal and totally unacceptable. But don’t become stuck in these ego stigmas. Dig deeper!
What our leaders so blatantly fail to do is realise that they have operated outside the bounds of honesty for many years, to name just one example.
What our leaders omit is beyond condemnation as indecent – they lack the curiosity to examine the motives behind why people are becoming more aggressive and divided. They neglect to look, to accept and take the subject seriously, and above all to recognise their own contribution.
The prevailing cooperation/conflict style (according to the Thomas-Kilman conflict model) actually displayed by the majority of leaders in their behaviour and choices involves priotising personal interest, giving in to others if you don’t have much to lose, avoidance and delays or seeking compromises However, the cooperation style that every good leader must master and apply more often is the exploration of everyone’s interests and arguments in order to genuinely cooperate in the search for a desirable outcome for all parties.
When the ego dominates you identify, for example, with your own interests, arguments and viewpoints. When people, therefore also leaders, feel that they are under threat they can become extremely angry or feel wronged. Similar to when your child is not given the sweets that they wanted at the supermarket. And this negative energy is becoming more and more apparent in the voices of politicians. The ‘other’ is increasingly designated as an enemy instead of a friend. Just look at the political debates. They are quite different to 30 years ago – aggressive language, a hostile tone of voice, personal attacks, slander campaigns, etc… Deploying these verbal and media weapons only creates more division instead of the desired connection, peace and commonality.
Maybe the answer lies in the tragic incident in which the actor Alec Baldwin accidentally shot his camera woman dead in the Autumn of 2021. Cinematic and real violence had never been so closely intertwined. Just like in first-person-shooter video games, where killing someone you don’t like is ‘normalised’. So why not just stab your neighbour or your spouse if they don’t do what you want? There have never been as many stabbings or shootings in the Netherlands as in the last few years.
What happened on that film set was incredibly painful and tragic at the ego and soul level. But at a higher level (spirit or universal consciousness) it demonstrates that this type of ‘shooter’ film only feeds the arms trade and boosts sales of murder games. And do you want to contribute to a world like that? To a world of more violence and aggression? Whether with physical or verbal weapons?
The solution is to yourself personally let go of both physical and verbal weaponry. Because aggression feeds on itself. Just take a look at traffic on the roads. No difference.
You can make a better 2022 if you do what our leaders have failed to do so far. The solution is obvious, because it is the opposite of aggression and anger (fed by our own ego). Simply love and all its variations, which lead to a better life together.
‘You can make a better 2022 if you do what our leaders have failed to do so far’
Even if you meet people who you find difficult, who you are allergic to or who you see as an enemy. Whether it is someone else in traffic, your child wanting to buy a coat that is much too expensive, a colleague who is tremendously irritating or your partner who seems to be ever-present during the Corona pandemic.
Be aware of your ego tendency to want to be right and approach other people in a new way. Just see what happens! How?
Every one of us, our leaders, but also you, have a choice in this.Every day, every minute, wherever you are!
Then you can show how you re a new leader of your own life. Because no weapon, including hurtful words, can withstand real love.
'No weapon, including hurtful words, can withstand real love’
Then you set an alternative example. And not only that. Even with the emotional storms that currently rage around us and all of the terrible things you must deal with, everything becomes lighter and more bearable with love. Like a balm for the soul. Even if you know, for example, that a close family member will die of Corona or something else – with love it becomes more bearable, more special and in a certain way more beautiful and heart-warming.
‘The most terrible thing can be borne with love’
My wish for you and everyone is a lighter 2022 for you and for you to create more light in your immediate surroundings. If you don’t, you will be doing the same as most leaders in the last year. A case of the pot calling the kettle black. With the consequence being more division, more aggression and a sea of unhappiness.
The choice is yours. Every day, every minute, with everyone.
If you do choose this path, 2022 really will be a better year for you!
Absolutely!
I wish you a wonderful, loving, heart-warming and connecting 2022!
Martin Thoolen
In 2022, you will see my new inspirations in relation to leadership and personal leadership. Stay tuned and check my website now and then: martinthoolen.com/en
#newyear #leadership #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching #conflictmanagement © 2022: Martin Thoolen
© 2022: Martin Thoolen
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