Addicted to work. It can be healthy or unhealthy. What does it depend on? And how can you be a healthy workaholic? Here are a few answers.
It becomes unhealthy when working too much stems from fear: the fear of falling short, failing, not fitting in, not being special enough, failing to provide added value, or risking disapproval. To avoid this—and to gain the opposite, such as appreciation—we often unconsciously deploy certain "power-players" from our ego. When taken to an extreme, these very mechanisms can drive you toward the abyss.
Think of the ego as a bus, where various "ego-passengers" take the wheel. Whenever one of these passengers—or a combination of them—is in control, your thinking, perspective, feelings, choices, and behavior all shift. There are three specific ego-passengers that can push you beyond your healthy limits: the inner Pleaser, the Pusher, or the Perfectionist (the "3 Ps"), or a combination thereof. If you don’t manage them consciously and in moderation, they can easily lead you
Conversely, an addiction to work can also stem from a genuine passion and deep inspiration for what you do. This is a source that fundamentally provides you with more energy; because you are doing what you love, a heavy workload can feel entirely manageable—even if it means working long hours into the evenings or over the weekend. But is this sustainable indefinitely?
No—even passion has its limits. You are not a robot; you are a human being with a finite capacity for endurance and resilience. In my book ‘Spirited Personal Leadership’ I explain how being overly driven by passion can also lead you toward the abyss.
And don’t forget your work-life balance! Sometimes you can become so driven in your work that you end up spending your evenings and weekends on it, too—at the expense of giving your full attention to your partner, family, and friends. Before you know it, your own relationship has turned into a business arrangement, with the heart having quietly slipped out the door.
To be a ‘healthy workaholic,’ it is essential to work with a measured sense of passion while simultaneously recognizing—and, crucially, acknowledging—signs of unhealthy physical or mental stress, and then dealing with them effectively. It also means setting reasonable boundaries around your work and ensuring you devote at least some attention to your personal life—that is, if you value nurturing your relationships, your family, your friends, your hobbies, and your leisure time.
The choice is yours.
Would you like to learn more about how to look after yourself in both practical and fundamental ways? See: https://martinthoolen.com/en/service/coaching-vitaliteit-duurzame-inzetbaarheid/
Or, if you would like to receive some initial tips on how to manage work pressure or stress in a fundamentally healthy way, take a look here:
SUSTAINABLE REINTEGRATION THROUGH TRANSFORMATION: https://martinthoolen.com/en/duurzame-re-integratie-door-transformatie/
YOUR GOLDEN COMPASS FOR MORE CONTROL IN YOUR WORK AND LIFE: https://martinthoolen.com/en/vindt-hier-je-gouden-kompas-voor-meer-regie/
STAYING VITAL AFTER HOLIDAYS:
https://martinthoolen.com/en/hoe-blijf-je-vitaal-na-je-vakantie/
HOW TO PREVENT BURNOUT AS AN EMPLOYER/MANAGER: https://martinthoolen.com/en/hoe-voorkom-je-als-manager-of-bestuurder-burn-out-in-je-team-of-organisatie/
GAINING QUICKLY MORE TIME? MANAGE YOUR TIME-WASTERS! https://martinthoolen.com/en/snel-veel-meer-tijd-winnen-manage-je-tijdsverslinders/
© 2026: Martin Thoolen
#workalholic #stressmanagemnt #timemanagement #werkdruk #duurzameinzetbaarheid #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching #psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #ego #ziel #soul #spirit #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
“Discomfort is a breeding ground for personal growth, vitality, and genuine well-being—unlike a life spent in comfort and complacency” © 2026: Martin Thoolen
Do you want to make your work and life feel lighter and more inspiring?
Then stop viewing things through the lens of your ego—expand your consciousness instead. Look beyond the blinders of your ego and explore these five suggestions.
Take a listen here: https://martinthoolen.com/podcast/
© 2026: Martin Thoolen
How often do you hear people say, “That’s just the way I am”? You hear it at work, and you hear it at home. But is it actually a good thing? Just last week, I heard both a client and a professional contact use this phrase—the latter in reference to her partner.
This conviction can bring a great sense of relief, but it can just as easily create additional tension or even lead to destructive outcomes—whether in a professional team or at home with loved ones. So, what is the best way to handle it? Let’s take a look.
The positive aspect is that it can be a form of self-acceptance. When you say it to yourself or others—and truly accept your shortcomings, your "shadow" sides, and your unpleasant habits—you are acknowledging that they exist, and that’s okay; they are simply part of the picture. There is something wonderful about allowing these traits to exist fully, without the pressure to change anything about yourself. “That’s just the way I am.” Imagine that: complete, unconditional self-acceptance. Just writing it down makes me feel a sense of relief.
Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are beautiful spiritual values to live by—concepts we see, for instance, in Buddhism. Yet, all too often, people are far too hard on themselves. During my training in the United States, Hal Stone—the co-founder of the “Psychology of Selves & Voice Dialogue”—explained that the “inner critic” is particularly strong within the Dutch psyche, a trait likely rooted in our cultural and historical connection to Calvinism. But this isn’t unique to the Dutch; it is an “ego-passenger” that resides within all of us. It acts as a conscience that keeps you sharp, ensuring you remain open to feedback and capable of visibly learning from it. But in many cases—such as with ‘imposter syndrome’—it’s constantly on your back, cutting you down with negative self-criticism. This unnecessarily amplifies your insecurity and chips away at your self-confidence.
In such instances, self-compassion acts as a balm for your soul; it is far better to offer yourself a kiss than a rap on the Head.
“Better a kiss than a rap on the head”
But is it infinitely good?
And doesn’t self-compassion sometimes come at the expense of compassion for others—for those around us—as we see emphasized in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam?
The ugly aspect of identifying with the notion that "this is just who I am" is that it can polarize interactions with others and even lead to destructive or dangerous behavior. One of my clients mentioned that their organization was undergoing a restructuring, requiring new competencies. Beyond simply maintaining technical proficiency in one’s role, there was now a need for effective collaboration with colleagues. One team member, who had been with the company for 30 years, felt he had long since proven his worth and that no one had any business telling him how to do his job—after all, he knew the ropes better than anyone.
When asked to learn back-office tasks as well, he resisted. Having spent years exclusively in front-office roles—tasks he believed he performed well—he dug in his heels, despite the fact that some of his colleagues saw things differently. When the general manager urged him to learn the back-office functions (to ensure operational continuity during colleagues' absences), he gave the middle finger and declared, "I’m not doing this, and I can’t change—this is just who I am." His resistance created a hostile atmosphere within the team; his surly glares and cynical remarks made the environment less psychologically safe for others to open up or share their thoughts.
Another client shared that she had always cared for her partner by adopting a nurturing, maternal role. She carried this same dynamic into her workplace, which drained a tremendous amount of her energy—eventually leading to burnout and forcing her to take time off work. When she asked her son and husband to clean up their own messes, coordinate the use of the shared car themselves, and take on other responsibilities, they resisted. She was met with accusations and expressions of anger. She then asked her partner, in a friendly manner, if he would be willing to change this, to which he replied, “No, this is just the way I am…” Her response was: “In that case, perhaps I should pack my bags.”
The danger of strongly identifying with the "this is just who I am" mindset is that you are, in effect, writing your own spiritual epitaph. You have carved your identity in stone, anchored by the rigid conviction that you no longer need to evolve or change—even though change is one of the few certainties in life. Rivers, trees, the alignment of the stars—everything changes, constantly. Are we, as human beings, any different? Do we always remain exactly the same?
Of course not. Your body is in a constant state of flux, as are your mental state and your personal and professional development. You are never truly the same person from one moment to the next, because change is a constant.
People only resist change and natural growth when it threatens their own ego-driven interests—such as their desire for comfort, privilege, power, wealth, or fame. And that is precisely what occurred in both of the cases mentioned.
This "this is just who I am" identity becomes a blank check, allowing you to act in whatever way suits you best, even when it comes at the expense of others. You close yourself off to the kind of constructive criticism that could actually foster your growth and development as a human being. You might say "yes," but your actions say "no." You create greater polarization between yourself and others. Where, then, is the compassion for those around you?
Use it
When and how can the "that’s just the way I am" identity be helpful? It can be useful when you feel that you’re never doing well enough yourself. Use this perspective to counter excessive negative self-criticism—accept that things don’t have to be perfect and that making mistakes is a way to learn. Remind yourself that you are a work in progress—like a river, constantly flowing—and that it is perfectly okay to be exactly where you are right now.
Let it go
If you frequently receive valid, well-founded criticism from various people, it’s time to let go of that defensive identity. Be open to hearing constructive feedback; use it to grow into a better, more pleasant person—both for yourself and for those around you.
If you are unable or unwilling to do so, that is also your prerogative. In that case, however, choose to step away from relationships or situations that no longer align with who you are. This allows you to be yourself without becoming a burden to others.
What if someone keeps saying it?
Confront the person with the impact of this statement. Explain how their behavior affects you personally. If they persist and remain closed to change, consider stepping away—at least for a while. Perhaps the absence will be felt so keenly that they become willing to change, returning with a fresh, open mindset and a readiness for visible growth. If not, then parting ways is better than staying together—whether in the workplace or at home.
After all, as Peter Delahay once noted, sometimes it is an act of cowardice for a soul to leave, but at other times, it is an act of cowardice to stay.
I wish you the measured wisdom to handle it the next time you hear this phrase come up again.
Martin
© 2026: Martin Thoolen
#persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching #psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #ego #ziel #soul #spirit #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
The best ‘Return on Investment’ comes in the form of gifts like these a client recently gave me… Thank you, dear clients, for the trust you have placed in me over these past 35 years, allowing me to help you move forward on your journey. And I am still there for anyone I can support. Martin
Martin
Working together—within your own team or organization?
COLLABORATION CAN BE EVEN BETTER AND MORE EFFECTIVE!
HOW? By building Teamspirit—but what is it, and how do you do it?
Find out here: https://martinthoolen.com/en/hoe-teamspirit-tot-magische-resultaten-leidt/ Or:
Listen to the podcast here: https://martinthoolen.com/en/podcasts/
Something currently useful for your team? https://martinthoolen.com/en/service/teamcoaching/
During my travels around the world, I’ve drawn inspiration from unexpected encounters with people and nature that I love sharing with you. Sometimes you have to go far away to get closer to the heart of things. This time: ‘If Trees Could Speak’. It made it so clear to me how everything is interconnected, offering a new way of working and living. Just take a look...
Some places and moments offer deeper insights than others. I experienced a moment of crystal-clear inspiration during a stay in California, USA, in 2014. Sitting silently admist the trees for a while, a valuable new connection came to life—one I hadn’t seen before. It made it so clear to me how everything is interconnected, offering a new way of working and living. Just take a look...
I found myself wanting to step into the tree’s skin—or rather, its bark. Imagining myself in that position, I wondered what I would have witnessed over all those days, months, and years if I had eyes. The sun, the rain, people sitting against me with genuine care, or walking past carelessly as if I were just another plant. Perhaps someone even carved a declaration of love into my bark. Or saw my brothers and sisters being cut down—and felt the pain of that. Or embraced me.
What would I have heard if I had ears? The wind, raindrops on my leaves and branches, the birds that spent time with me as their host and home. The people around me—some kind, others arguing. Would they realize someone was listening in? And if there were always something watching and listening, how would they behave?
People being friendly or arguing around me as a tree. Imagine if, instead of just being listened to neutrally and without judgment, I—as a tree—were to speak up and point out the consequences of their ‘own’ behavior: Would they listen to me, learn something, and change their actions to something better or more pleasant? What might I, as a tree, have heard from my ancestors about how my surroundings have changed over the centuries? Who even notices me anymore, now that more and more buildings have sprung up around me? What would I say to people today about how they treat us trees?
This is not a story about sustainability.
It is about a deeper connection—one we have become cut off from—that nature offers us if we open ourselves to it.
Everything is connected. The forms simply differ; the senses and languages of all beings—trees included—vary, which is why we do not always understand one another. The same applies to the people you live or work with.
“Everything is connected with everything"
What would happen if we stepped into each other’s skins more often, even if only for a while? Just as I did with the tree. If we asked questions to better understand one another, engaged in dialogue, and learned a little about each other’s histories, fostering greater understanding of one another’s choices and behavior? At work, with colleagues, clients, and suppliers. At home, with partners, children, family, and neighbors. With one another, across differences in skin color, culture, or religion. What would happen then?
For at our core, we are all the same—equal human beings, each with our own unique school of life and work. From the perspective of universal consciousness (or spirit), there is no difference; in essence, we are all connected.
Try stepping into someone else’s shoes—or the perspective of something else—for longer periods; ask questions and listen with neutral curiosity. I predict you will grow closer and collaborate and live together much more ‘in spirit,’ with all the benefits that brings.
Want to know more about deep listening and finding common ground instead of polarization? Take a look here: Article on Deep Listening: https://martinthoolen.com/en/hoe-diep-luisteren-je-werkelijk-harmonie-brengt/
I wish you wonderful journeys of discovery and a sense of closeness as you get under each other's skin.
Warmly, Martin
Want to see more short inspirations from around the world? Take a look here: https://martinthoolen.com/en/inspiratie/?_categorie_knoppen=wereldinspiraties
© 2026: Martin Thoolen
#wereldinspiraties #worldinspirations #reisverhalenmartinthoolen #travelstoriesmartinthoolen #spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #firstnations #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching #psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #healer #healing #shaman #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
"If Everything Comes and Goes, Why Hold on to It?"
© 2026: Martin Thoolen
Executives, Professors, Secretaries-Generals, as well as Physicians, PhDs, Advocates Generals, Managers, Assistent-Managers and Captains.
Working at a national or international level.
As a Business Psychologist and Senior Trainer/Coach, I have had the privilege of guiding literally thousands of leaders over the past 35 years. Across a wide range of sectors: Professional Services, Healthcare, Education, Industry, Logistics, Central Government, Provincial and Municipal Authorities, and more.
What do they have in common?
They are Human.
And, that they bear a great responsibility.
Working and living at the helm of teams and organizations can be demanding at times, raising questions such as:
These are just a few of the many questions leaders bring to me.
Sometimes, a neutral, experienced and professional sparring partner provides you with new perspectives and enables you to make considered, well-balanced choices.
Would you like to have a mutual discovery meeting—entirely without any obligation or cost?
You can.
Call, email, or message me, and you will receive a response within one day.
+31- 6 – 1562 0111
Want to know a bit more about me first?
Take a look at: https://martinthoolen.com/en/over-martin/
Maybe we’ll meet up later. Beste Regards, Martin
In Alphen aan de Rijn, The Netherlands (close to The Hague)— where I currently live and work from—I established a special connection with Harold Koelemij, chairman of the ‘Help Differently’ Foundation.
I was, and remain, deeply moved by the wonderful work he and his volunteers do in Alphen aan de Rijn. Providing care for children and adults in the neighborhood who are not in the current postion to spend much. Such as financial advice, giving children a day out, helping lonely elderly people, and much more. Read more about the foundation here: https://www.helpanders.nl/over-ons/
To strengthen collaboration among the volunteers, I have developed a custom-made workshop titled ‘Help Each Other,’ which I will be facilitating on a pro bono basis this coming September 17th.
INTERESTED PARTIES WELCOME
Anyone wishing to learn more about the activities of Foundation ‘Help Anders’ or interested in the (free!) workshop is welcome to contact the foundation at [email protected]You are more than welcome to attend!
More information can be found here: https://ap.lc/DyAdM
Date: Thursday, September 17, 2026
Time: 7:00 PM – 9:00 PM
Location: Briljantstraat 64A, 2403 AE Alphen aan den Rijn, The Netherlands.
Warm regards, and perhaps I’ll see you there! Martin
