During my travels around the world, I found inspiration in unexpected encounters that I'd like to share with you. Sometimes you have to go (far) away to get closer. This time: "Our precious."
Years ago, I was on the film set of "The Shire," the home of the beloved Hobbits from "Hobbit & Lord of the Rings." On the North Island in Matamata, New Zealand. In my hands, I held the great ring used in the film "Lord of the Rings." Gollum's words inevitably came to mind: "My precious."
And then I suddenly realized that these words are also the "current" source of much evil, something we can change. Namely, if we start thinking and acting in terms of "our precious." Take a look:
The entire Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy is a mythical reflection of what's happening in the world today, both small and large. The ring symbolizes, among other things, a tool of power with which you can control many others, if not all. This includes sowing fear, creating dependency, intimidation, increasing one's own power, greed, arguing or waging war to get what one needs, and ego domination. Something we experience a lot these days.
The pursuit of these symbols, such as gaining a position of power, tightening the rules or laws, or the absolute need to have something for ourselves, is not foreign to us as humans. We see it in many of our leaders, but if we're honest, sometimes in ourselves as individuals as well. Even as children. This need to have something for yourself, just like the ring, can sometimes be so strong that we're literally or figuratively willing to walk over dead bodies. We are then completely trapped in the ego trap
Greed infects our minds and sometimes drives us to make choices and behave in ways that are detrimental or even destructive to others.
But what would happen if we were to create a ring for all of us, melted down, and distributed among all people? Just as the world's stored gold were distributed, so that everyone in the world would have sufficient food, drink, and shelter? Then leaders would use their power much more for the benefit of all people. Then politicians would truly be representatives of the people. Then leaders in organizations would delegate their power to others much more, including increasing authorizations and powers to their employees. Then sharing and granting would play a more important role in your choices and behavior. In short, then 'my precious' would become 'our precious'.
Here are three short suggestions for transforming "my precious" into "our precious."
By doing this, you are instantly contributing to a better world, where ego not prevails, but true spirit i.e. where more people ,than just you, will be happy; "our precious fellow human beings."
I wish you a wonderful adventure in making the ring serve us all.
Martin
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
Want to see other short discovery stories? Check out: https://martinthoolen.com/en/blogs-en-artikelen/?_categorie_knops=wereldinspiraties&_categorie_knoppen=wereldinspiraties
Here’s a short impression of some of my journeys of discover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca58VpEoy_Y
#wereldinspiraties #worldinspirations #reisverhalenmartinthoolen #travelstoriesmartinthoolen #spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #firstnations #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching #psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #healer #healing #shaman #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
Spirituality. What is it, and how can you apply it in your work? Is it as untethered as it seems? Or is there such a thing as down-to-earth spirituality, and does it also apply to the business world, government, and more? And how does spirituality make your work more meaningful, enjoyable, and effective? Here are some answers.
The idea that spirituality plays no role in business, government, or elsewhere in the working world is, of course, nonsense. Paul de Blot, a former endowed professor at Nijenrode University and whom I spoke with there, was already publicizing about it in the 1990s. He developed "Business Spirituality," which he taught and wrote inspiring articles about. But what exactly is spirituality, and how can you apply it in your work? For yourself, your team, or your organization
There are various definitions of spirituality, but they often have the following in common:
Spirituality can also lead people to a state of being untethered or elevated, either individually or as a group. This is especially evident when the 'spiritual ego' plays a major role. People then cling (openly or secretly) to the following belief: I am, or we are as a group, further along, better, higher, more spiritual, or more enlightened in my/our development than you. This is the source of many arguments, conflicts, and historical wars. This is especially true when others are also required to submit to a fixed spiritual form, or it is preached that this form is the only worthy way of living and working.
But what if you use spirituality daily to create a better world within and around you, even at work? Close to home, with your own clients, colleagues, and all other stakeholders. And you use your own body, soul, and a managed ego as vehicles to give spirituality concrete form? That's possible. When this happens spirituality becomes not just a way of life, but also a way of working: professional spirituality.
Truly lived spirituality occurs when you work and live from spirit: also called Universal Consciousness, the Divine, the Source, Oneness. After years of international travel and research into various religions and (indigenous) cultures, there are several common characteristics that apply to working and living from spirit. You can find these in detail in the book: Spirited Personal Leadership – for more effective work, a meaningful life, and a better world: https://martinthoolen.com/en/publicaties/
The following isn't an exhaustive list, but rather a number of pointers you can use daily: individually at work, in your team, or in your organization:
• Neutral Working: Your interactions with others are judgment-free.
• Healthy Balance: For work/relaxation, among other things.
• Transparency: There are no secrets or hidden agendas; honesty and truth are guiding principles, and you articulate the "undercurrent."
• Equality: You present yourself as equal to others, without any indication of superiority or inferiority.
• Intuition: Like a compass, you get straight to the heart of the matter.
• Here and Now: You work more often from the here and now rather than from the past or future.
• Emphasize Similarities: You emphasize similarities with others that strengthen the connection.
• Heart: You act with heart for yourself and heart for others.
• Self-Awareness: You bring your managed ego and soul to your work in a conscious way in service of spirit.
When you make better use of the above guidelines in your daily work and during major transitions, your work becomes more enjoyable, meaningful, and effective.Both for you as a professional and for your team or organization. How? You'll see below.
Spirit transcends ego and self-interest. So one way to allow spirit to gain more ground is to ask yourself: "What am I working for? What am I contributing to?" When you want to contribute to something that benefits us all, the common good, more spirit will naturally flow into your work. This can become a reason to review your role or job, or eventually choose something else in your career development.
"Spirit transcends ego and self-interest"
Another way of working ‘in service of spirit’ is to always approach your colleagues and other stakeholders from the heart, meaning: simply with kindness, gentleness, respect, and forgiveness, even if you disagree with them or they don't meet your expectations.
A third way is to respectfully and curiously raise pain points that others sweep under the rug. For example, in meetings where everyone tends to nod their heads in agreement, while pain points are not sufficiently addressed.
A fourth way is to treat everyone equally, regardless of cultural background, gender, race, hierarchical position, status, or anything else. Total inclusion also characterizes spirit, because spirit excludes nothing. You approach every employer/employee or stakeholder as a respectful individual who possesses their own knowledge, experience, and talents.
"Spirit excludes nothing"
There are countless more examples, but try these out. I predict that the content of your work or collaboration with others will take flight, with all the enjoyment and effectiveness that entails.
Why does a less capable football team sometimes beat a better team? Through greater team spirit; 1 + 1 = 3. When team members intrinsically want to achieve a result together, a much greater force is unleashed: team spirit.
A current client of mine explained how he previously led his team. Not from intimidation, micromanagement, verbal punishment, or keeping his people down, because this is something he often experienced himself in the travel industry he works for.
In short, not from ego, but from spirit: empowerment, positively reinforcing and encouraging one's own independence and talent development; granting increasing authority and authorization; verbalizing and respectfully resolving underlying irritations; continuing to engage in inquisitive dialogue with his team; and reward and celebrate a shared achievements. The result was that this team achieved a 150% increase in revenue within two quarters.
Organizational spirit manifests itself, among other things, when an organization contributes to a better world through its vision and mission. But what is better and what is meaningful? This depends partly on the perspective you take: from a collective ego, soul, or spirit.
From an ego perspective, a commercial company might think that they provide their customers with what they think the customers need; for example, quickly produced and delivered non-perishable food; consumer goods, affordable clothing, etc. From a soul perspective, as a company, you then fully support the vision you want to realize.
However, from a spirit perspective, it is meaningful to contribute to a better world for the people in your own organization and the products or services you provide to your customers. This could mean, for example, not offering preferential treatment in terms of compensation and bonuses to any of your employees. It could mean ensuring everyone shares equally in the company's profits. As a company, you might invest in SDGs (Sustainable Development Goals) and actively implement and act on these policies. Or it could be, for example, that the vision and mission of your company evolve in such a way that you contribute to a healthy and happy world for ‘all the people’ around you, or even around the world.
The leadership of organizational leaders plays a fundamental role in this.
One way of leading your organization is to behave and make choices mainly based on ego, particularly the patriarchal side of the ego. Let me explain how you can recognize this:
For example, Recently I was mentoring a healthcare professor for a year who, due to (in his view, unfair) decisions, fell into the Patriarch' trap. His inner irritation caused him to unconsciously invoke his position of power as a director. This led to significantly less support in interactions with colleagues and the Supervisory Board. There was less joy and less effectiveness within the organization, partly due to some of his actions. Also, because in conversations with others, he was more likely to transmit than to listen. Until he saw how he could provide more spirit-driven leadership. A foundation of equality; enduring kindness; openness and neutrality.
He began encouraging people to come up with their own creative ideas and to incorporate those ideas into his final decisions for the organization. His suborinates felt seen and sometimes felt they "wanted" to do extra work instead of "having to." Unspoken irritations and pain points within the organization were articulated and resolved. There was more laughter together. Spirit-driven leadership led to optimal collaboration with his stakeholders.
Try the guideposts of 'spirit' and see what they bring you. And see if they actually make your work more meaningful, enjoyable, and effective. Then spirituality will have gained a foothold in what truly matters.
'Keep up the spirit!' Martin
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
#spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching#psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
Nieuwe inzichten komen soms makkelijker tot je, als je uit je ‘normale’ bubbel stapt. Zoals reizen naar een ander land of cultuur je kan geven. Soms moet je (ver) weggaan om dichterbij te komen. Iedere keer weer een andere plek, een andere tijd én een nieuw inzicht.
FROM NOW ON…
… you'll regularly find posts next months with insights from unexpected encounters with people and nature that I'd like to share with you. Insights that contribute to personal- and professional development in an adventurous way. Here are a few: https://martinthoolen.com/en/blogs-en-artikelen/?_categorie_knops=wereldinspiraties&_categorie_knoppen=wereldinspiraties
Ik hoop dat ze jou iets waardevols brengen. Hartelijke groet, Martin
Here's a short video of some places where I found inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca58VpEoy_Y
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
#wereldinspiraties #worldinspirations #reisverhalenmartinthoolen #travelstoriesmartinthoolen #spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #firstnations #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching
This recent drawing comes from one of my current clients: an IT specialist in healthcare. It perfectly depicts the transformation process she's going through. From a primal scream, she's leaving old patterns behind, towards liberation of the soul. On the path to sustainable reintegration because she's addressing not only her behavior, but also the roots of it. Here's how.
You can only achieve "sustainable reintegration" if you address the "roots" of your behavior and transform from within, like caterpillars do into butterflies. Psychological behavior change, handy tips, tricks, or methods alone won't get you there. After years of providing numerous stress and time management training courses, I often saw a revolving door effect: people relapse into stress or burnout for a second or even a third time. At least, if you don't also address the roots of their behavior, their inner self. But what is that inner self, and how do you approach it? "You can only achieve sustainable reintegration if you address the roots of your behavior."
“You can only achieve sustainable reintegration if you address the roots of your behavior.”
Dat is je ego en je ziel wat concreet uiteengezet wordt in het model met de gelijknamige boektitel 'Spirited Personal Leadership Fundamentele bewustwording hiervan (werken en leven vanuit spirit) en intentionele zielsbesluiten geven nieuwe duurzame oplossingen.
© 2025: Model Spirited Personal Leadership
A simple way to view your ego is like a bus driven by a number of primary ego passengers. Depending on which passenger is at the wheel, you think differently, feel differently, behave differently and choose differently.
In my client's case, this was primarily the caring and responsible mother. A role she had to assume when her mother died young, her father abandoned her in her youth, and she took on the role of caring for her younger brother. She always thought that was just how she was. Or… had become?
Afterward, she primarily had relationships with boyfriends/men who took advantage of her and remained stuck in the dependent and irresponsible child role. This manifested itself in situations like when he, against the agreement, said: "Would you mind taking care of our baby tonight, because I just want to go out with my friends?"
Once again, as so often happened, she sidelined herself. The pent-up discontent about this, or the soul pain that silently generated sadness and anger, she could scream out from within. As in the drawing.
At work, this mothering role caused her to take on far too many responsibilities, leading her to burnout.
During the sessions, she made a soul-searching decision to say goodbye to her current boyfriend, who also often proved emotionally absent and often fled, just like her father. In addition, she has become much more aware of taking care as mother for her self instead of others only: her own desires, her her own own needs, her her own own boundaries. Grounded in this newfound and felt awareness, she now makes new fundamental choices, such as avoiding people who drain her energy or minimizing contact; choosing more time for rest and relaxation, including walking, getting massages, and drawing.
The relief is increasingly noticeable in the sessions with her, and her new relaxed and contented face is becoming more visible, as in the drawing.
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
#wereldinspiraties #worldinspirations #reisverhalenmartinthoolen #travelstoriesmartinthoolen #spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #firstnations #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching #psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
In the beginning of October 2025 Martin was interviewed about his current work. Taken by Alessandro, Organizational Psychologist student who’s doing a study about job analysis. For those interested in the kind of work Martin provides and used methods as well as examples from daily experiences from customers that make the insights come to life. We’ll hope you’ll enjoy.
During my travels around the world, I found inspiration from unexpected encounters that I'd like to share with you. Sometimes you have to go (far) away to get closer. This time: ‘The Famous Healer from Ubud'.
Sometimes we're simply looking for direction, confirmation, or support. Me too. Then we might turn to an astrologer, psychic, reader, or healer. Or to a spiritual guide from your religion. Sometimes we're simply looking for direction, confirmation, or support. Me too. Then we might turn to an astrologer, psychic, reader, or healer. Or to a spiritual guide from your religion.
Do you remember that book and that movie: ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ by Elisabeth Gilbert, adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts? In it, the main character visits a "Balean," a spiritual healer in Ubud, Indonesia, named Cokorda Rai. So I thought, "I want to go there too." No sooner said than done.
I surrendered to what he called a Kitra Healing. He screened my head several times, pulled painfully on my ears a few times, and hit them incredibly hard, then said, "You have nothing. What can I do for you?"
A dialogue ensued where he asked me what kind of job I did, and I replied: "(spiritual) empowerment." He responded with a warm smile and said, "Oh, so you're also a healer. Mmm, you are a gentle man. You've come to bring peace to the world. There's a wall between you, but you move through it. You embrace the world and bring Light and peace to the world, which is good."
‘What are you supposed to do with these words?’ I immediately wondered. ‘How seriously should I take this? Maybe none of it is true.’ But strangely enough, it supported me to continue with my life's dream: to make my own contribution to a better world, however small or large. Years later, I managed to materialize my contribution in, among other things, my second book: ‘Spirited Personal Leadership, for more effective work, a meaningful life, and a better world." With thanks to Cokorda Rai 🙏.
Over the past decades, I've made several trips to healers, shamans, chiefs, gurus, and mediums who shared their perspectives on my life and work. And quite a lot of it was bullshit. Therefore, never outsource your own authority and individuality to others or blindly follow their advice. Remain critical and walk away if it no longer feels right.
But in every area, including here, you have qualitatively sharp and valuable guides. For me, an important criterion is whether it touches on the truth and as long as it supports me in realizing my life's dream. In that case, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's extremely stimulating.
So why not, with a critical eye, occasionally open yourself up to good guides who inspire you?
I hope it leads to positive, original and talented choices in your life and work.
Martin
Want to see other short discovery stories? Check out: https://martinthoolen.com/en/blogs-en-artikelen/?_categorie_knops=wereldinspiraties&_categorie_knoppen=wereldinspiraties
Here’s a short impression of some of my journeys of discovery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca58VpEoy_Y
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
#wereldinspiraties #worldinspirations #reisverhalenmartinthoolen #travelstoriesmartinthoolen #spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #firstnations #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching
How do you make learning at work self-wanting– and not something that ‘comes on top of it?’ Today, LinkedIn asked me to share my perspective. This isn't an exhaustive list, but seven essential ways to contribute.
You work and learn optimally when you do what you need to do, are good at, or can develop, love to do, and have the courage to do it. This means that when choosing your career or study program, it's important to do what you're naturally drawn to and are good at. And for employers, it's crucial to optimize recruitment and selection based on this.
If you're naturally drawn to learning, it takes less energy. In fact, you look forward to it. So make career and learning choices based on that as well.
If you really want to achieve something, you're more likely to make time to tackle the learning steps that lead to it. You know what you're doing it for.
Rewards make desired behavior occur faster and more often. Consider rewards such as a certificate or diploma, a promotion, a bonus or salary increase, increased job opportunities, etc. These prospects often stimulate self-learning.
Education and courses vary in how much fun they make learning. This depends on the type of learning material, whether or not they use motivating and expert instructors/facilitators, whether or not they use attractive training methods, etc.
Someone once said: "You only learn when you make mistakes." See it as an opportunity to improve. The point is that you're allowed, or even required, to make mistakes in order to grow. You'll then know exactly what your development points are and can focus and thus learn more effectively. Don't "downsize" yourself or the learners in your organization, but "empower" them to learn.
Apply uniform codes of conduct for a socially safe learning and working environment. Prevent or effectively deal with bullying. Provide a reliable and knowledgeable confidant. Reward and celebrate interim successes together.
1. By doing or wanting the job that suits you and that you really want
2. You genuinely enjoy and find it challenging to learn what's required
3. You have an ambitious goal that you're eager to achieve
4. If it's rewarding for what it will give you
5. Make learning fun
6. Allowing people to make mistakes
7. Providing a safe, stimulating learning and working environment
Let's hope that learning becomes even more fun! Martin
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
#persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #spiritedpersonalleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching#psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #ego #awareego #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
During my travels around the world, I found inspiration from unexpected encounters that I'd like to share with you. Sometimes you have to go (far) away to get closer. This time: ‘The Flowing Soul'.
Sitting by a flowing stream in the forests of Queensland, Australia, I wondered years ago: If water flows, giving and receiving, would that also apply to the soul? Does it also flow best when it gives and receives as a natural cycle of life? And if so, how do you translate that into choices you make in your own work and life?
Suppose the soul has a giving and receiving side, then you also know that you can become depleted if you can no longer receive what is good for your soul. And then you can no longer give from that source. Then you become a source of pollution. Then it's important that you cleanse your source.
A soul naturally wants to express itself with its talents, joy of life, pain, desires, and dreams. It 'must' express itself. And any system or relationship you enter into that limits that, imprisons your soul and can even make your body seriously ill.
If the soul were to flow, then besides giving, it must also receive. Like receiving felt experiences from which you can learn. The soul cannot ‘not’ receive, because then the (natural) circle of giving and receiving is broken. Therefore, the soul must also receive. If you haven't received what your soul needs for a long time, you also become empty or depressed. And if you can't express yourself naturally, you become frustrated. It must therefore be an ongoing circle, just like a flowing stream.
This can mean that during your soul's journey, certain people, encounters, jobs, or roles may be suitable for a particular phase of your life’s journey and beneficial to your soul, but in a new phase, they may no longer be suitable at all. Especially not if the circle of giving and receiving is no longer balanced for your soul. And you feel deeply frustrated or depressed.
To break through the dams blocking your inspiration and flow, you can identify what instantly gives you positive energy and then choose and act on it. This could be a relaxing walk in the park; a new job; new friends. And what it requires also, is the courage to let go of what no longer serves you into the flow. A salmon, just like the you within, can die if too many dams have formed in your life or work. If you allow the natural flow to be dammed too much by other people and "normal" systems, then that is actually unnatural, which is deadly for the soul that wants to live and flourish.
In short, dare to examine what forms do and don't fit anymore. Dare to let go of old forms that no longer serve you. And accept the grief over them as a sacrifice. And choose new forms and relationships that will instantly make you shine. Then the flowing soul will return, giving your life and work more fulfillment and impact.
Martin
Want to see other short discovery stories? Check out: https://martinthoolen.com/en/blogs-en-artikelen/?_categorie_knops=wereldinspiraties&_categorie_knoppen=wereldinspiraties
Here’s a short impression of some of my journeys of discovery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca58VpEoy_Y
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
#wereldinspiraties #worldinspirations #reisverhalenmartinthoolen #travelstoriesmartinthoolen #spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #firstnations #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching #psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
Yesterday, a 50-year-old coaching client and Senior Product Manager in Haarlem wanted to give his career a new direction. When I asked him what his talents were, he fell silent. He was at a loss. He had forgotten his talents.
This, despite the fact that he had consistently achieved many successes over the years through his own talents, such as: the talent for connecting all kinds of national and international stakeholders; often coming up with new, creative commercial solutions; and getting the most out of his team members through empowerment: discovering and strengthening each other's natural talents. This fostered team spirit and allowed successes to be celebrated together.
His father's internalized critical voice downsized him to the point that he characterized his talents as ordinary and normal. Sound familiar? However, this doesn't do justice to the original added value he always provided. It was time to retrieve his forgotten talents from his treasure chest.
Just because something comes naturally doesn't mean it's not special. It actually isbecause it originates from an original source. Everything that comes naturally stems from a natural talent and should be fully embraced and recognized as its original added value, by others, but also by and from yourself.
"Everything that comes naturally stems from a natural talent"
So if you sometimes feel like you're not up to par, write down all your proven talents, fully embrace them as a natural gift you have to offer others. And then seek out environments where your talents can flourish most.
Your passion will come to light, and your work will become much more enjoyable and effective.
Martin
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
#spirit #synchroniciteit #synchronicity #firstnations #persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #personalleadership #leiderschap #spiritueelleiderschap #spiritedleadership #executivecoaching #leiderschap #leiderschapsontwikkeling #teamcoaching #collectiefleiderschap #professionalcoaching #coaching #businesscoaching#psychologyofselves #voicedialogue #egozielspirit #egosoulspirit #awarenessatwork #martinthoolen
How often have we heard it: you have to get rid of your ego! Leave it at the door! But is that actually true? Or can you use ego as a tool to give substance to your inspiration and talents, or even unconditional love and universal consciousness?
If there was a God, why would humans be born with or develop an ego even at a very early age? Some babies in the cradle show more ego than others even though ego seems to be less prevalent than in adults. For example, when it comes to what they do or don't want. One of the functions of our ego is to set boundaries.
In a world whithout egos, the argument that you have to get rid of your ego would be useful. But we live on Earth where there is an ever-increasing ego density. Just look around you. A young university student recently told me during a coaching session that performing better than others and quickly building a strong curriculum are of the utmost importance, even if it comes at the expense of others or your health. Even in politics, one's own curriculum seems to have become more important than serving the common interest. Welcome to the world of ego.
To avoid being drowned in the ego games or the ego violence of others or ego systems, it's actually beneficial to develop a measured ego.
In some non-dualistic movements, however, you are compelled to get rid of your ego. Bloody dangerous, I'd say. The founder of Voice Dialogue, Hal Stone, once told me during a training with him and his wife Sidra at their home in California: "Martin, you can go to any Ashram in India you want to, as long as you bring your inner protector with you. That way, you can leave it doesn't feel right anymore."
Moreover, over the past 35 years, I've observed a strong spiritual ego in several gurus from both the East and West. For example, at a 10-day Silent Retreat abroad, where the gurus literally positioned themselves on decorated King and Queen throne above the participants. This, despite the fact that there weren't that many participants. Equal? Spirit and universal consciousness don't know a hierarchy, do they?
When a band started playing outside the retreat location, the silence was somewhat disturbed. The teachers' angry looks and charged remarks betrayed the presence of a powerful "judgmental force" that suddenly appeared like a Jack in the Boxx. That didn’t look really judgment-free, did it?
So pay attention, especially to those who think or say they've transcended their ego. It could very well be different.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of non-dualism, which gives a deeply connected sense of peace with yourself and truly everything around you. I've experienced it myself. But I also believe in multi-dimensionality here on Earth. We are all invited to learn to deal with the ego’s and egosystems around us that are simply present as well as our own ego as a part of our conscious learning. And develop it in such a way that universal consciousness (spirit), your soul, and a balanced ego can go hand in hand.
“We are all invited to learn to deal with the ego’s and egosystems around us that are simply present as well as our own ego as a part of our conscious learning. And develop it in such a way that universal consciousness (spirit), your soul, and a balanced ego can go hand in hand”
But what is ego, actually? What are the advantages of a balanced ego? How can it help you, but also hinder you?
Ego is the "I" with which you distinguish yourself from others, but sometimes also separate yourself with. It's the "I" with which you identify, as if "this is how I am." You identify with certain forms within and outside yourself. Such as your name, your nationality, your origins, your profession, your personal qualities, etc. Wherever you put the word "mine," it reveals itself. My country, my house, my characteristics, etc. Nothing wrong with that in itself, until you have become too attached to these identifications and do not want to let them go.
What are some benefits of ego?
Protection:
Some things that come your way are unsafe or can unnecessarily hurt your soul. Whether material, physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. Setting boundaries, creating distance, or leaving the space helps you avoid remaining a victim of unpleasant invasions or bad situations.
Visibility:
Too little ego can lead to you not seeing yourself as worthwhile enough or not showing the talents you have to offer. How can you be seen if you don't show yourself? Your individuality, soul color and original talents come to light when you develop a balanced ego.
“How can you be seen if you don't show yourself?”
Strategic insight and action:
In the absence of the inner strategist in your ego, you easily become a victim of the ego games of others. Not everyone is aware of the consequences of their actions or their behaviors for you, or don't have good intentions for you or they just want to use you for their own gain. Once you realize this, you won't let yourself be drained by the needs of others. So it's important to be sufficiently aware of this and develop an adequate ego to deal with it.
There are even more benefits to an aware and well-managed ego, such as maintaining a balance between work and personal life, striking a balance between hard work and relaxation, and being gentler with yourself and others. Because everything you're allergic to is also inside you, just in different forms.
The ego hinders you when it overshoots and you are unconsciously controlled by a lack of self-reflection, ignorance, fear of shortage, greed, status, material possessions, self-interest, and power. In the book "Spirited Personal Leadership," you will find eight roles you can become ensnared in when the ego takes over:
Before you know it, you are unknowingly driven by these roles because they temporarily fuel your feeling of self-worth. This is usually due to a hidden fear of not being seen or appreciated enough, of having too little, or of not receiving approval or acceptance from others.
If these roles primarily drive you, you become disconnected from the universal consciousness or spirit that can give you the following: internal and external peace, true connection from the heart, contentment, joy, vitality, and optimal talent development.
How do you ensure your ego doesn't get too large or too small? In a way that it does not hinder you, but i a way that helps you?
Underlying your behavior, your ego is often controlled by your personality, or "personas," as Swiss psychologist Carl Jung called them. These are also referred to as social masks.
You can think of your ego as a personal bus that is—usually unconsciously—driven by your own ego passengers. Depending on who's behind the wheel, you think differently, look differently, feel differently, behave differently, and choose differently.
This theory comes from the founders of the "Psychology of Selves & Voice Dialogue," Hal & Sidra Stone, whom I was trained by in the USA. They indicate that getting to know your primary selves, which often determine your behavior, will throw you off balance if you don't get to know, invite, and manage the secondary passengers in the back of your ego bus or even in a trailer behind the bus.
Hal & Sidra Stone & Martin
If you primarily live with your pleaser, perfectionist, and pusher side taking the wheel you're ripe for burnout because you've neglected your more relaxed self for too long. Invite your secondary ego passenger to drive 10% of the time, dare to step outside your primary comfort zone, and you'll already be more balanced.
If, as a leader, you lead primarily from your inner patriarch, you elevate yourself and infantilize the potential below you. However, if you're open to criticism and act on it, share it equally with your people, and empower them, team spirit can flourish. Even if it's only 10% more.
"Don't deny your own ego, get to know it, and learn to manage it."
In short, balance and moderation are the key words for which continuous necessary self-reflection is required: Don't deny your own ego, get to know it, and learn to manage it. In this way, your ego, alongside your body, becomes a functional instrument for shaping your inspiration, your individuality, and your original talents. It also serves as a vehicle for functionally embodying commonality and "true" connection. Then your ego brings you a great deal.
Experience the Voice Dialogue method in training or coaching and ask for a free online-intake here. Or take a look at the book: Spirited Personal Leadership.
I wish you a wonderful development where your ego serves your soul and spirit.
Martin
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© 2025: Martin Thoolen
