How do you make the best choice for a course or a coach these days? For example, to achieve Personal Leadership or Mastery?
This was not an issue more than 30 years ago, when I stood at the cradle of (business) coaching in the Netherlands in 1992 as a project developer of Individual Coaching at the Boertien & Partners training institute.
In the decades since, a proliferation of 100,000 coaches has come about, because it is not a protected title and so anyone can call themselves a coach. Just look at the number of current social media posts by some would-be coaches: in particular, earning a lot of money quickly seems to be the priority for some coaches or institutes, ranked above integrity and proven professionalism.
How beautiful it is to see that there are so many people who are curious about personal, professional or even spiritual development, and that so many of us follow or have followed myriad low-threshold courses about, for example, NLP, mindfulness, or 'healing'. You benefit from it yourself and want to pass it on to others. And then you become a coach, healer, teacher or trainer yourself and set up your own academy. And that way we can do even more for each other.
In this way, sometimes 'clients' or 'participants' can avoid having to seek help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. As they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. In addition, the stigma associated with the old-fashioned taboo on mental illness has been broken, and people are more likely to ask for mental or spiritual support. Moreover, as a client you do not have to deal with long waiting times while your mental distress is high. The large number of coaches also shows diversity and specialties, which means that more personal customization can be provided. Benefits galore, but there is also a dark side.
Due to the large number of coaches and academies, you also see a growing lack of quality. Not only that, some approaches can actually be dangerous and cause mental damage, and unintentionally drive people further into depression, confusion, panic or worse.
The hunt for money as well as self-overestimation and lack of self-reflection can sometimes drive the coach or 'Academy'. For example, I recently read a newspaper article in which a coach literally stated that as an 'experience expert' he did not need any training. But then aren’t all people actual experience experts, so would that then make everyone a good coach?
The self-overestimation can stem from fear of a lack of money (poverty awareness) and/or an unrecognized excessive ego or narcissism. With spiritual elevation you hope to get 'in the picture' and win clients and make a lot of money in the process. In what way do we concretely see this - often unconscious and unacknowledged - ego-elevation taking place? A few current examples:
And yes, people are sensitive to these commercial lies wrapped in a spiritual ego sauce. But why do we sometimes stumble into this?
An important reason why you sometimes fall for this tripe is ignorance, and not investigating the quality and experience of an institute, trainer, coach, teacher or healer
Another reason may be that the spiritual need is so great that you grab a hold of whatever looks good on the outside.
And finally, money. Many people, especially in the Netherlands, want everything cheap. Especially in times of crisis, when the money is no longer just tucked in the mattress, they grab whatever is cheapest. And can you blame them? If you can use a (STAP-)budget provided by the government, you won't resist. But are you getting the quality you deserve?
Because the actual quality of an 'academy' or training institute, trainer, coach, healer, or teacher, is ultimately determined by the person you’re dealing with, not the building they are in or academy they are working for.
“The actual quality of an 'academy' or training institute, trainer, coach, healer, or teacher is ultimately determined by the person you’re dealing with, not the building they are in or academy they are working for”.
But how do you make a good choice, so you can really get what you are looking for, for possibly just a little more money? Time for some tips.
Here are eight tips to help you make the best choice for a coach, trainer, or institute:
1. See how many flight-hours a coach/trainer has booked with clients who were looking for the same thing you are.
2. Look at (pre)training, post-doctoral training and certifications.
3. Look at genuine testimonialsfrom previous clients. evidence of years of evaluations.
4. Is the coach/trainer really credible and do they live up to that in their own actions?
(‘do they truly practice what they preach?’)
5. As a client, are you treated as an equal?
6. As a client, do you experience the coach, trainer, or institute showing sufficient self-reflection , in addition to proven expertise?
7. Do not register right away, but first get a free intake consultation.
Get a no-obligation, free intake consultation to find out the nitty gritty on the coach/trainer with whom you will actually be dealing. Experience your coach/trainer 'live' in advance, so that you know what they are made of. Because if you don't hear someone 'live' first, you can be quite disappointed by the bum notes you will have to listen to later.
“If you don't hear someone 'live' first, you can be quite disappointed by the bum notes you will have to listen to later.”
I hope that this will help you separate the wheat from the chaff and come to a choice that will benefit you the most, in your work and life.
Martin
© 2023: Martin Thoolen
#personalleadership #spiritedpersonalleadership #coaching #training #coach #trainer #healer #teacher
#academy
#teacher #academy #opleidingsinstituut
Anyone can fall into this trap: Thinking you are better than the other. You and I both. Especially if you’re in a leadership position in government, politics, religion, business, or if you’re a VIP, but also if you’re a manager, spiritual teacher, coach, trainer or guru. I see it everywhere, including in myself.
Where does this come from? How do you recognize it? What are the effects, and how do you get past it? What if you have to deal with someone else who has succumbed to it? How do you deal with that? And how do you make a truly equal heart-connection that causes the world around you to become a better place, at work and in your private life?
It’s time to lift this veil of haughtiness: To allow real love and peace to flourish more. In small and large circles alike.
It is said that the civilization of Atlantis fell because of the haughtiness of a few who wanted to create ‘a world based in advanced knowledge and power.’ Haughtiness came before a fall, and today we find our world standing at the exact same threshold. From antiquity until today, people have been falling for it. As it was with the Pharaos of Egypt and Roman Emperors, it is with the government and political leaders of today. But equally so on a smaller scale with VIP’s, directors, managers, spiritual teachers, coaches and trainers of today. Inside your own circle.
Publicly, or more commonly in secret, you may see yourself as exceptional and divinely chosen. You have ‘fallen upwards,’ and your haughtiness is a hidden force that leads you, today’s Fall of Atlantis. You are unknowingly living or working from a spiritual ego, without being conscious of it.
If spiritual ego is leading you without you being aware of it, you will use your knowledge, abilities or language to demonstrate that you are ‘above the other’, or ‘more advanced’ in your spiritual development than others. Or, that you’re more significant than the other. This has nothing to do with spirit, instead it is just your ego, elevating itself above the other. Because spirit, or universal consciousness and unconditional love, knows no hierarchy.
“Spirit kent geen hiërachie”
Why is it that people have been falling into this ego-trap for centuries to begin with? The desire for recognition, appreciation, inclusion, approval, being special, attention and love is universal. Sometimes, the lack of some of these things in the past has been so great that overcompensation enters the picture. Before you know it, the spiritual ego is in charge of your activities, often without your knowledge. It doesn’t make a lick of difference whether you are highly or less educated, have lots of experience or none. It can happen to anyone. It creates dictators and know-it-alls.
How do you recognize today’s Fall of Atlantis? A few concrete indicators will demonstrate.
Some people think they are the chosen few, and use this argument to place themselves above others. Roman Emperors thought themselves to be demigods. Some government leaders today are of the opinion that they have an exceptional divine gift and mission, even if that means a war must be fought over it, all the way up to so-called ‘holy wars.’
But you can also see this phenomenon occurring on a smaller scale sometimes with (spiritual) teachers, coaches and trainers. For example, I was recently baffled by what I was reading about the spiritual arrogance of some who claim: ‘my book isn’t a book, because it transcends all traditional literature.’ Another said: ‘my book is the Bible of coaching.’ And if you package it just right and use the word ‘God’ in the title of all your correspondence, you’re guaranteed commercial success. Because those in need of help are always around, especially in these times, when religions often can’t provide fulfillment in life.
For government and political leaders it is often no longer about content, justice and equality but instead it’s about the ego seeking elevation in a quest for recognition and specialness. In the Dutch cabinet, for example, the egos are boiling over and we don’t even know where to go from here. Many government leaders keep increasing their own sphere of influence and even have their powers written into laws or even the constitution. From their greater position of power they force their will onto others, and punish them if they don’t comply. Such as banning a religion that doesn’t stroke with ‘their own’ faith. Like a coaching client of mine who was beaten to a pulp by his fundamentalist evangelical father for many years. Or getting the death penalty in Iran for not properly wearing your burka. None of these things speak to real love, and they lead to a regression in society.
It certainly seems like some spiritual teachers and gurus are freed from their spiritual egos, because they preach about peace, love and truth, while they are also truly inspiring, for example at seminars, conferences, retreats, in their books and through other venues. They use phrases like ‘heart to heart,’ ‘dear angel, are you ready to experience real love; not everyone is ready to experience real love, but you are.’ Before you know it, you feel loved, special or chosen because of what they tell you. It’s spiritual honey that people flock to.
Until suddenly their shadow side, which they repressed because it doesn’t fit with their self-made image of spiritual specialness, becomes visible.
Like my personal experience at a ten-day silent retreat abroad about non-dualism. There was conversation about a field of unconditional love, loving and freedom of judgment. While this was happening, there was a loud concert nearby that was detracting from the silence. The aggravation and judgment poured from the depths of the teachers’ psyches, and the disapproving looks were easy to see all around. No-one is immune to judgments and it’s better to embrace them and deal with them effectively.
I’m ashamed a little to say it happened a moment to me, too. During one of my weeklong ‘Inner Nature’ retreats in the Belgian Ardennes, a participant asked to take a picture of me. In a fraction of a second, I felt flattered by her admiration and fed my ego, my spiritual ego. But fortunately a few moments later I became aware of what I just did to myself, letting myself be made ‘special.’ As if I was ‘more’ than the participant. Yuck! Luckily, I could let it go quickly. But what happens if you need this constant admiration to exist? Before you know it, this stealthy self-satisfaction takes over.
By consistently indicating that another person has less knowledge or fewer abilities than yourself, you elevate yourself above the other. I call it the seesaw-effect. Pushing the other down to end up in a higher place yourself. In that case power and not love has you in a death grip.
You can also emphasize your own successes, power, knowledge, and abilities without acknowledging your own failings and pitfalls. Better to keep those vulnerabilities locked up. Similar to a colleague who indicated that she had lived many lives, was very wise and could be more meaningful than others as an old soul.
If you’ve fallen into the Atlantis-trap, your aim is for a societally elevated leadership position. You don’t use this position as a temporary vehicle to inspire others with truth, justice, equality, or sincere love. No, above all you want to use it to show your own importance to society. Sometimes you choose to sit on a literal throne above others, instead of among people, as I experienced with the authorities at a silent retreat.
The benefits of these (spiritual) ego-authorities are that they can truly inspire you. They speak truths that we are sensitive to, and that we are often looking for. They say something that you agree with but that others are afraid to mention. You feel seen by them. Or, you gain valuable insights that you can really apply in your work or private life. They make you feel like you belong or are special. That’s what makes it so confusing.
But the cons and dangers are lurking below the surface and will come to light sooner or later. If you rely too much on an external authority, you give it power as you abandon your own sovereignty. Before you know it, you no longer know which of your thoughts are your own, versus those of the authority you believe in. A leader in any context can build their own cult just like that, with some of their followers prepared to murder others or themselves for it.
See, acknowledge, and turn it around.
To see, you have to dare to put your ego aside, otherwise you’ll remain in the trap. Look at yourself with 100% honesty and see that you:
“Dare to be a VUP (Very unimportant person)”
Acknowledge that this is happening to you, and that it is entirely your own doing. Your ego will resist the whole time, in order not to lose any ground. The brave authorities and truth-finders among us will dare to take this step.
Turn around your authority from self-gratification to simply being a temporary vehicle for equality, truth of the heart, justice, and love. Without any expectation that another will appreciate and admire you.
Protect yourself against spiritual egos. Remain yourself and never give up your own thoughts and sovereignty. Don’t always accept the teacher to be what they say they are. Follow your own compass and be a follower of yourself. The development of its own independence is one of the tasks facing the soul from the cradle to the grave.
Dare to leave, even if it is socially undesirable, if you are instructed to believe something that you can’t agree with. This is something I did myself during a break at a seminar put on by an organization that saw itself as the kingpin to change the entire world and patted itself on the chest about it. While at the same time they were themselves contributing to continuing the use of fossil fuels.
As the Gnostics said long ago, “Live the God within yourself.” Because from spirit and unconditional love everyone is chosen.
“Iedereen is uitverkoren!”
In large as well as small personal circles. By living and working more from universal consciousness, love, or what I call ‘spirit’, instead of from ego. You can find out more about this in my book “Spirited Personal Leadership.” You can view and download a free promo here: https://martinthoolen.com/en/publicaties/
Or checkout this course: https://martinthoolen.com/en/service/master-module-persoonlijk-inspirerend-leiderschap/
© 2023: Martin Thoolen
#awarenessatwork #martinthoolen #spiritedpersonalleadership #personalleadership #inspiringleadership #coaching #training #egomanagement #ego #personalleadership #spiritedleadership #mastercoursespiritedpersonalleadership #betterworld
Vacation, at last! More peace, enjoyment and relaxation and an empty head, things that you don’t get around to at home. But is that really what you find? Because you take yourself with you on vacation and you may be confronted with yourself on vacation.
And how can your vacation provide even more inspiration?
IF THINGS GO DIFFERENTLY THAN EXPECTED, YOU ARE CONFRONTED WITH YOURSELF
You’re excited when you go on a trip, but immediately your inner peace is disturbed. Like when you end up in long traffic jams, take a wrong turn or your baggage doesn't show up at the airport. Or a filling station owner short-changes you 50 euros because he says you gave him 50 and not 100 euros, as I experienced myself.
Arriving at your vacation spot, you may sit and daydream on the beach when suddenly people next to you turn on loud music. Or you spend time waiting for a bus that never comes. You may wake up to a loud church bell in the morning, or hear the morning incantation coming from a mosque. Or maybe you get sick while on vacation. How much relaxation and enjoyment is there going to be then?
Inner peace is disturbed by irritations that arise from your own expectations.
Luck and bad luck, prosperity and adversity, both come to you in your life, even on vacation. Sneak up on your own thoughts and expectations daily, and allow them to be blown away on the breeze. Once you let go of your expectations of how your vacation should go, you'll have more fun and peace of mind. Whether it's about the journey itself or where you are on vacation. Try it, and then decide if it works for you.
“As soon as you let go of your expectations about how your holiday should go, you will have more fun and peace of mind”.
YOUR VACATION AS A RETREAT
Just getting away from everything. A little distance from your life and career. From a distance you can see the bigger picture. Because when you’re in the thick of it, you can't see it. Like your own blind spots in your relationships. Or the higher purpose for which you are doing something.
“From a distance you can see the bigger picture”.
If you focus on individual letters alone, you will not see the entire text. If, as a soccer player, you focus only on your opponents, you miss the spaces in between them, where you can pass them. Star player Lionel Messi can do this like no other. If you keep driving on the roundabout of your work and life, you miss landscapes, roads and adventures that can take you further. Dare to wander and you will get somewhere.
“Dare to wander and you will get somewhere”.
From a distance you can see more clearly whether you want to continue working like you were when you return. Like Johan for instance, who encountered a snail during a walking meditation in one of my earlier Retreats 'Inner Nature' in the Belgian Ardennes. He decided not to ignore it, in fact he even wondered about it for half an hour. In his very fiber he became aware of the breakneck speed at which he traveled through his daily work and life. And how much that exhausted him. Because of this deeply felt experience, he decided to set limits on his own work pressure and to make more room for a relaxed life alongside his career.
From a distance you can see how and whether you want to continue in your relationship(s) sooner. I once experienced this myself during a ten-day mindfulness training in Yenne, near the French Chambery. During a ball exercise, I watched a ball roll away from me and I couldn't help but think about the natural movement I was making away from my partner at the time. Painful, but inevitably healthy for my further soul development.
Make room for the things that matter in your life, muse, and above all make space and time to feel what your heart is telling you. This way your vacation will give you new clarity and show you new opportunities and healthy choices, which you would otherwise gloss over.
EXPERIENCING HEAVEN ON EARTH (SPIRIT/UNITY EXPERIENCES)
Do you know that feeling? When you are sitting on a hill or mountain top and you feel completely one with everything around you? Or you’re in a trance during a car ride and experience complete bliss? Or you are in the desert or jungle where there is no longer any separation between you and all the plants, animals and earth around you? You experience a deeply felt 'boost' of unconditional love and connection with the elements around you. All is well and heaven seems to be completely present on earth for a while.
These unity or spirit experiences are a cosmic nod to what has always been in the background, namely universal consciousness, or spirit. Only our ego often causes us to have fewer of these experiences than we actually desire.
How nice would it be if you could take this unity experience into your work and private life when you come back from vacation? And if that universal consciousness becomes more of a foreground than remaining in the background? Or as saxophonist John Coltrane once said: “Wherever you are, always leave a piece of heaven behind.” At work as well as in your private life when you get back.
"Wherever you are, always leave a piece of heaven behind.” -John Coltrane
If you want to know how universal consciousness or spirit becomes a bigger part of your work and life, check out the book 'Spirited Personal Leadership'. For more effective working, meaningful living, and a better world. View or order a copy here: https://www.amazon.com/Spirited-Personal-Leadership-effective-meaningful/dp/9090368027/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1T35YC0885VAQ&keywords=spirited+personal+leadership&qid=1689054493&sprefix=spirited+personal+leadershipaps225&sr=8-1
See the promotional copy and find out whether my book could help you.
©2023: Martin Thoolen
#vacation #summerholiday #summervacation #traveling #spiritedpersonalleadership #personalleadership #inspiringleadership #coaching #training #egomanagement #ego #personalleadership #spiritedleadership #mastercoursespiritedpersonalleadership #coaching #training #egomanagement #ego #soulfulness #spiritual #inspiration
How your intention can destroy and heal everything.
Your intention can destroy and heal everything. In people and between people. An ego-intention destroys more than you care to imagine. And a pure intention from the heart can heal everything. In all your business and private relationships. From which intention do you show yourself to others?
“Intention can destroy and heal everything”
You may have developed all kinds of social and leadership skills. On balance, everything comes down to the intention from which you do or say something. Such as asking questions, active listening, giving feedback, exploring when negotiating and dealing with conflict, and leadership skills. You can teach these and other useful social and communication skills, just like I gave my first training in this field at Utrecht University 35 years ago. But it won't make you a better person!
“Social and leadership skills won't make you a better person”
In fact, you can even subconsciously or consciously misuse these skills. It’s a potential pitfall, especially for coaches and trainers who use these skills in their work and private life. I’ve experienced this for myself a few times recently. Watch.
After years of being in a creative cocoon, at the end of 2022 it was time to come out, including the publication of my life's work (the book “Spirited Personal Leadership”). Out of pure joy about my discoveries, I wanted to share the information and I started looking for former colleagues and various agencies to work with. It was striking how many ego-walls I ran into.
For example, during a conversation with a former colleague who had read my book, I did not receive a single compliment, but instead only critical questions about it: "Did you come up with that yourself, those five tasks of the soul?" (Answer: “Yes”); “What is actually new about your book?” (Answer: "That it explains all three forces (ego, soul and spirit) in an understandable and applicable way and provides insight into how these forces determine all your choices and behavior, and how you can consciously use them").
Apart from these questions themselves, I was particularly curious about to intention behind the questions. It seemed that the questioner's ego had more of a hold on them than they realized. By only negatively criticizing the other person (me, in this case), you don't have to take them as seriously. In essence, you push the other person down to make yourself less miserable, which I call the "see-saw effect" in my new book: pushing the other person down energetically, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, in order to make yourself feel more elevated, and certainly not lower or less. Such an unconscious ego coup stems from five or so universal fears of falling short yourself, or of receiving or having received too little from the outside world:
The moment you meet and admire someone, you run the risk of (un)consciously pushing them down, even with an open question that is interview-technically fine in terms of form. Why? So that you don't feel inferior to them. From the fear of not being seen enough, you try to level yourself up by pushing the other person down.
The moment your ego, unbeknownst to you, has taken the driver’s seat, power games and greed take control of you. So that you feel like you still matter, and don't have to feel less valuable yourself. Your own physical, material, emotional, mental, or spiritual neediness takes over. In this case it would be the emotional need for equal appreciation or recognition.
Do you think these are exceptions? I experience it to be more the rule that the ego has a much stronger influence on people, coaches and trainers than is often recognized.
Two weeks ago I was discussing a possible collaboration with an temp agency. The founder whom I was supposed to talk to wasn’t there and two younger ladies took his place. I sat down and waited for them to introduce themselves, which never happened. They remained silent for about fifteen seconds, looking straight at me and saying nothing. I decided to break the silence and explained how I ended up there. At the end of my introduction, I was cut off, and one of the young directors said in a directive manner: “We want to conduct the conversation as follows: first we will share something personal about ourselves and then you will have 15 minutes to ask questions.”
When we got to the point where I was ‘allowed’ to ask questions, the following happened:
Me: “What does interim work look like for you?”
Agency: “Ordinary.”
M: “Can you clarify that?”
A: “Well, it’s nothing special.”
M: “If I tagged along with you for a day, what would I see you do?”
A: “All kinds of stuff.”
I discovered that my open and probing questions did not yield any new and valuable information. They also shared information about their hobbies, like modeling with clay and Thai boxing, which didn't give me any of the vital information that I asked for. A fragment:
A: “I am into Thai boxing.”
M: "Oh, that's pretty cool.” (said with a positive tone of admiration of strength)
A: “Well, don't you think that's normal then?” (said in a hen-pecked way)
Apart from the fact that basic conversation techniques were poorly applied, a distant and even hostile atmosphere towards me was particularly noticeable from the moment I stepped into the room. There was noreal openness, but instead power games were being played from the start. I was about to leave the 'meeting' early, because sometimes it's cowardly to go, but sometimes it's cowardly to stay.
Among other things, it raised the question for me: To what extent are people, including experienced coaches, trainers and interim managers, themselves aware of their own intention from which they speak, ask, do or don’t do something?
The intention can be directly tested against the characteristics of an oversized ego, or the characteristics of consciousness/spirit, as you see in my book. If not your ego, but spirit (or consciousness) has the upper hand, then you do or do not do something out of, among other things, curiosity, sincerity, openness, love and kindness. How could the previous two ‘meetings’ have turned out if the other conversation partner(s) had applied more spirit than ego?
Another colleague, talking about my book: “Gosh, what a job you have done. Can you tell me, how did you come across the five tasks for the soul?” (said with a sincere and friendly tone of curiosity). This way you get a much more open and real conversation, without ego clouding things up.
As yet another colleague (a senior coach/trainer) let me know, not from ego, but from spirit: “I was fascinated! It is written in an inviting way, not pedantically. It really makes an impact with the examples and exercises. Nicely designed too.
I'm going to use it as a manual. To recover from time to time or to reflect on a difficult situation, or just to be inspired.”
Temp agency manager: “Thank you for coming in on time. We would like to have the conversation in this way. Is that okay with you? What do you hope to get out of this conversation? What can I do to achieve that?" This way you get an adventurous exploration and a more pleasant exchange.
You can see how you can create much better work and private relationships and collaborations in no time coming from a different intention, namely spirit instead of ego.
But then, even as an experienced coach/trainer/interim manager or whatever, you must dare to keep looking in the mirror and learning.And doing that sometimes falls by the wayside over the years.
Are you aware of the intention from which you ask someone a question? From your heart or from power, from love or from fear? If you are completely honest with yourself, you can do a twist that makes the immediate world around you better and a bit more fun.
Take a look at my book 'Spirited Personal Leadership' here. For more effective work, meaningful living and a better world. View or order a copy here: https://www.amazon.com/Spirited-Personal-Leadership-effective-meaningful/dp/9090368027/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1T35YC0885VAQ&keywords=spirited+personal+leadership&qid=1689054493&sprefix=spirited+personal+leadershipaps225&sr=8-1
See the promotional copy and find out whether my book could help you.
Check the new Master’s Course – Spirited Personal Leadership - here:
©2023: Martin Thoolen
#spiritedpersonalleadership #personalleadership #spiritedleadership #mastercoursespiritedpersonalleadership #coaching #training #egomanagement #ego #soulwork
I frequently lose sight of things. I feel fatigued. A persistent sensation I have had for months. Actually, it is getting worse. As if my light is gradually dimming. And, by the way, am I still doing what I believe in? Am I not allowing myself to be affected too much by what others think?
Who or what actually controls my life and career. In short, what is my compass?
Find your compass and regain control with personal leadership.
As an individual you can exercise personal leadership at three levels that not everyone is aware of. But they do have an enormous effect. My new book 'Personal Spirited Leadership' ( to appear in English in March 2023) explains that there are three forces that determine all your choices and behaviour, namely: your ego, your soul and awareness (spirit). Your interior (ego and soul) affects your exterior behaviour and the choices that you make.
© 2022: Martin Thoolen: Model ‘Personal Spirited Leadership'
A vital starting point when regaining control over your life is knowing that you are responsible for your own welfare. Without awareness, long term negative stress can cause burnouts. How do you prevent this? By consciously using three fundamental intervention levels:
The basic energy that enables you to keep whistling on your way to work when your soul feels 'at home' at work. You work with enthusiasm and passion, and your innate talents are utilised or enhanced - your job offers you challenges that motivate you.
Echter sommige werkomgevingen zijn uitgedroogd voor je of zelfs toxisch, daar waar anderen vruchtbaarder voor je ontwikkeling zijn. Soms is het laf om te gaan, maar soms laf om te blijven. Soms zijn aanpassingen van de functie toereikend om deze bezieling weer te activeren of een andere plek in de organisatie. Soms ook niet. Pak je dit niet aan, dan zal dit sluimerende ongenoegen vroeg of laat toch weer naar voren komen.
Experience has taught me that most people who suffer a burnout have a strong ego identification with their inner pleaser, pusher and/or perfectionist (the 3 Ps). If you fail to balance these basic forces another burnout will occur before too long. And they are not always easy to prevent. This is certainly true if your ego is stubbornly searching for permanent external recognition or approval or fears deficiency. However, creating a healthy balance and long-term durability requires you giving being/relaxation side of your ego more space. And that requires ego management, where you make choices involving well-considered sacrifices.
You increase the essential relaxation and extra time by applying stress and time management knowledge and skills. There is often a great deal to be gained by recognising (but above all acknowledging and taking the appropriate action) the stress signals that you feel and applying useful time management tips, such as setting priorities effectively.
Take a look at the book ‘Spirited Personal Leadership.’ For more effective work, a meaningful life and a better world. https://www.amazon.com/Spirited-Personal-Leadership-effective-meaningful/dp/9090368027/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1T35YC0885VAQ&keywords=spirited+personal+leadership&qid=1689054493&sprefix=spirited+personal+leadershipaps225&sr=8-1
See the promotional copy and find out whether my book could help you.
Check the new Master’s Course – Personal Spirited Leadership - here:.
©2022: Martin Thoolen
#personalleadership #inspiredleadership #spiritedpersonalleadership #mastercoursespritedpersonalleadership #coaching #training
Who am I? A question that will confront you in your work or life sooner or later. Particularly during career or life crises. Why wait? Why is it useful to know who you are right now? Because you often have much more in you, than you believe to be the case. Once you know this, you can make effective, useful and conscious choices that are true to you. Both with regard to how you work and your career, and your day-to-day and life choices.
If someone is asked who they are, what is a common response? A description, like: ‘I am a manager, 35 years old, academically educated, with an income, married to Y, residing in Amsterdam and am a determined, sometimes stubborn, but sincere person.’ In short, a list of characteristics. What, then, are the characteristics with which we identify that you see in the model below?
Your ego is highly skilled at identifying itself with all kinds of socially acceptable aspects of 'being'. Most people search for ways to gain recognition, appreciation, approval and love, or to belong to something and be special, and people who can fulfil these needs. These are the universal desires for and fears of a deficiency to which the ego responds.
That quest for recognition still takes place every day if you lacked it during your youth or later in life. And before you know it you make your feelings of self-esteem and wellbeing dependent on socially and societally desirable identifications that applaud you for your presence. This gives you the feeling that you are not alone and share something with like-minded people. You feel supported and that you matter. And that is the great desire of the soul striving for a right to exist. For example, you consistently see that people can become extremely attached to things. Examples:
If you identify with a personality type, ‘The Psychology of Selves’ and Voice Dialogue can reveal new possibilities. You can then see your ego as an ego bus on which your thoughts, feelings, behaviour and choices are controlled by constantly changing combinations of ego passengers. For example, your pleaser will sometimes make other choices than your inner warrior. Imagine if you were able to make more use of the 'silent passengers' on your ego bus. Wake them up and use them.
Beyond the ego with all of the social personas (social masks) there is a deeper layer of purity, passion, pain, joy, dedication, open-mindedness and spontaneity that enrich your work and life, namely: your soul. Every soul, including yours, is charged with five tasks that enable you to get the best from yourself from the cradle to the grave. They entail:
1. growth in awareness through felt experiences.
2. developing sovereignty over your own existence.
3. healing soul pain.
4. living with soul joy.
5. bringing original talents and dreams to life.
But there is even more!
Beyond ego and soul there is another power that is responsible for everything that is created, exists and disappears. This means that it is also responsible for how you make choices and behave. It is impossible to describe something that actually cannot be expressed in words. This is why the list below includes nine (holistic) approach routes for an essential power that simultaneously provides the solution when we wonder how we can create a better society. In one word: spirit. get to know this power, which has always been and will always remain present in your core.
Spirit is typified by aspects including the following.
1. all-encompassing awareness.
2. universal, driving life force & natural cycles.
3. life, unconditional love & neutrality.
4. awareness of abundance & willingness to share.
5. no time, development or management, but free will and here and now.
6. equality & equal rights.
6. equality & equal rights.
8. truth of the heart.
9. unity, source, interconnection & synchronicity.
My new book ‘Personal Spirited Leadership’ (to be released in English in March 2023) explains how you can use them in practice with practical cases and exercises. And when you use your awareness or spirit more:
Who are you then? The answer depends on your perspective. If your ego takes the lead it will use all kinds of ego labels and ego passengers. If you work and live primarily from the soul you are your true self, without make-up. Uninhibited, spontaneous, original, creative and pure. With your spirit at the helm, you are actually absolutely nothing…and everything, simultaneously.
By regaining control and letting your light shine with personal inspiring leadership. However, you can implement personal leadership at three levels, which determine all your choices and behaviour. Namely: Your ego, your soul and awareness (spirit). Your interior (ego and soul) affects your exterior behaviour and the choices you make.
Take a look at the book ‘Spirited Personal Leadership.’ For more effective work, a meaningful life and a better world. https://www.amazon.com/Spirited-Personal-Leadership-effective-meaningful/dp/9090368027/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1T35YC0885VAQ&keywords=spirited+personal+leadership&qid=1689054493&sprefix=spirited+personal+leadershipaps225&sr=8-1
See the promotional copy and find out whether my book could help you.
Would you like to personally experience how you can gain more control over your work and life?
Check the new Master’s Course – Spirited Personal Leadership - here:https://martinthoolen.com/en/service/master-module-persoonlijk-inspirerend-leiderschap/
©2023: Martin Thoolen
#personalleadership #inspiredleadership #spiritedpersonalleadership #mastercoursespritedpersonalleadership #coaching #training
You are incredibly busy. Every day. Absent team members are really inconvenient for you.
Always, actually.
Because you still want to achieve those team goals and help your organisation thrive. Without putting too much pressure on your team. How can you, as a manager, prevent burnouts? Or significantly reduce them in any case? So that team members don't collapse but are able to continue working for you. You can do a great deal, but this does require a new approach. Because you, in your position as manager or administrator, have enormous influence over this situation.
You are well aware of what burnouts cost your team: money, extra time spent on transfers and reduced job satisfaction, team spirit and team results.
“Burn-out is a massive energy drain in your team and organisation”
Everybody has their limits. Without exception. That's what makes us human, not robots. Two of the nine characteristics of awareness in my new book ‘Personally Inspiring Leadership,’ are: embracing the polarities (including exertion versus relaxation) and respecting natural cycles. If you follow these natural laws as a leader you will keep your team or organisation dynamic and durable.
In your role as manager, do you accept, listen and act appropriately for what you ask from your team members? That they must achieve targets and carry out (extra) tasks. But is this how you treat their vulnerabilities as people? Even if that is less beneficial for your bottom line? In short, do you embrace both the strengths and vulnerabilities of your team?
In concrete terms do you recognise the signs of physical and mental stress in your staff? Do you know what they are? Or do you keep distance and pay them scant attention? See what happens if you approach them more often or telephone to ask them how they really feel, making sure that you break through the barrier of social acceptability. Then you might be in time to head off burnouts.
If your team members are then honest enough to say that it is actually too much for them, acknowledge their negative stress? Because it is all too easy to minimise or justify the stress signals sent by your colleagues and fail to take action. Why? Because it might be inconvenient for you.
After rain comes sunshine, comes rain, comes sunshine, comes rain, etc. After inhalation comes exhalation, comes inhalation, comes exhalation, etc. After exertion comes relaxation, comes exertion, comes relaxation, etc
These natural cycles typify natural life itself and keep us energetic and durable. And this also applies to your team or organisation. There is just one thing that can completely work against this and cause systematic negative stress in you or your team: ego fed by fear. Experience reveals that three ego passengers in people totally ignore natural laws: your inner pleaser, pusher and perfectionist. They may encourage us to go on for longer and worker harder than our body can handle, until the lights go out. Because those who don't want to hear must feel. A terrible pity.
If you don't allow your ego as a leader to constantly dominate you and your team members you will open the door to team vitality and durability. If you respect necessary relaxation and vulnerability your leadership will be so much more effective in the long run.
Would you like to know how to recognise and acknowledge stress signals from your team members and how to deal with them effectively? Would you like to learn practical ways to strengthen team spirit as a buffer to stress?
On 12 January from 4 AM to 4 AM, I will be holding a Webinar for administrators, school heads and internal facilitators in cooperation with Leeruniek: Team vitality and durability.
Yes, please contact me [email protected]. or call/app me on: +31-6-15620111
In a free orientation we can look how I can be at your service.
Take a look at this Christmas present: the book ‘Personally Inspiring Leadership.’ For more effective work, a meaningful life and a better world. View or order a copy here:
(English book will appear in the beginning of 2023). Click on Fragment to see the promotional copy and find out whether my book could help you.
Or experience in person how you can improve your work/life balance with the new Personally Inspiring Leadership Master's Course:
©2022: Martin Thoolen
#persoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #persoonlijkleiderschap #inspirerendleiderschap #mastercoursepersoonlijkinspirerendleiderschap #coaching #training #egomanagement #ego #stress #stressmanagement #werkdruk #burnout #vitaliteit
Matthijs van Nieuwkerk, Glennis Grace, Marco Borsato en met hen vele andere (beroemde) mensen; vroeg of laat slaan ze door en komt de totale waarheid aan het licht. Wat is er eigenlijk aan de hand? En hoe lossen we het op?
It all revolves around their ego, which clamps itself determinedly to a few ego passengers, focusing on projecting a positive image. But there is no real awareness that this is happening.
One of the three fundamental forces that determine all our choices and behaviour is our ego, as I explain in my new book - Personal Inspiring Leadership. It highlights several points, including the fact that your ego is nothing more than the 'I' that you identify with and think 'this is how I am'. You are frequently controlled subconsciously by a number of ego passengers. You can see your ego as a bus on which each passenger thinks, feels, sees, talks and acts differently. You behave very differently when your inner pleaser pleaser drives the bus instead of, for example, your instinctive, animal ego passenger.
In people who demand a positive public image of themselves you often see the following ego passengers hijacking thoughts and actions: the pleaser, controller, perfectionist, pusher or patriarch The less socially desirable ego passengers are subconsciously left on the back seat or even moved to the trailer of oblivion, starting their own demonic lives in the darkness.
However, everything that you hide in yourself will boomerang back on you eventually. See what happens when you systematically push away your instinctive passenger, just like trying to push a ball ever further underwater. Despite your best efforts the instinctive passenger will resurface with hellish rage, unbridled sexual desire or unacceptable behaviour and insults directed towards others. And all this happened to Kanye West, Prince Andrew, Bill Cosby and so many other celebrities.
“Everything that you hide in yourself will boomerang back on you eventually”
We are living in a time of great spiritual transition in which the truth is gradually being unveiled. That which could remain concealed is coming to light sooner and more often. This provides a more complete picture of what is really happening. It is preceded by intense polarisation, but growing transparency helps us see the truth. How do we resolve this polarisation? Simply by setting good examples, at home and at work.
Prevent polarisation and employ ego management - recognise and acknowledge your light and dark sides and handle them more effectively. This requires courage and relentless honesty about all aspects of yourself. For example, do not suppress your instinctive ego passengers, but rather acknowledge, embrace and communicate them. Prevent the accumulation of an emotional dam full of anger or unfulfilled sexual desires. Because when your inner controller runs out of energy and the dam breaks you will be inundated.
Check the new Master’s Course – Spirited Personal Leadership - here:
https://martinthoolen.com/en/service/master-module-persoonlijk-inspirerend-leiderschap/
Or enrich yourself with the insights and knowledge that help you in my new (Dutch) book: https://www.amazon.com/Spirited-Personal-Leadership-effective-meaningful/dp/9090368027/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1T35YC0885VAQ&keywords=spirited+personal+leadership&qid=1689054493&sprefix=spirited+personal+leadershipaps225&sr=8-1
(English book will appear in the beginning of 2023) Click on Fragment to see the promotional copy and find out whether my book could help you.
©2022: Martin Thoolen
#personalleadership #inspiredleadership #spiritedpersonalleadership #mastercoursespritedpersonalleadership #coaching #training
Negative work pressure is relieved if you use time and stress management, which are handy behavioural skills. However, apparently they may still be far from sufficient. Why? Because you have not tackled the root cause.
That is what I have noticed in hundreds of clients who I helped to gain vitality and lasting employability over the last 30 years.
Want voorbij gedrag, zijn er diepere krachten die je gedrag aansturen, waaronder je ego en je ziel, zoals je terugziet in mijn boek: ‘Persoonlijk Inspirerend Leiderschap’.
Most people suffering excessive stress or burn outs often carry a potent combination of three ego passengers in their personality. Passengers that they have worked with for years (frequently being insufficiently aware of them): the pleaser, pusher and perfectionist. If you don’t rebalance these core elements, negative stress can easily return.
If you penetrate to an even deeper level, beyond your personality, inspiration also plays a fundamental role. Because:
‘Every relationship or system that offers insufficient space for the existence and unique expression of the soul imprisons the soul and can cause serious physical illness’.
Work environments can sometimes be healthy for your soul but may also become toxic. (geworden).
‘Soms is het laf voor je ziel om te gaan, maar soms laf om te blijven’.
In short, if you want to tackle this issue at the source you can request an interactive workshop for you and your colleagues. I have a wealth of experience in this field, including organising workshops for attorney generals, the Public Prosecutor’s Office and other organisations. Ask for an intake interview and send an e-mail to: [email protected]..
Whether you want to help yourself or a member of staff to relieve the negative pressure, take a look at what an individual coaching session can do for you. See: https://martinthoolen.com/en/service/coaching-vitaliteit-duurzame-inzetbaarheid/
©2022: Martin Thoolen
#Stress #Stressmanagement #timemanagement #personalleadership #vitality # mentalheath #coaching #training #duurzameinzetbaarheid #werkdruk #stress#stressmanagement #timemanagement
How miracles come (back again) into your work an life? By opening yourself up to synchronicity and interconnection. Because everything is connected to everything. This is one of the nine attributes of spirit (consciousness) that you will find in my English book ‘Spirited Personal Leadership’ that ia released on December 1, 2022.
Alongside practical cases, insights, and exercises about how these cosmic winks can help you with your work, I also share an occasional personal story. This is one of them, it’s almost unbelievable but it’s true.
It was an unforgettable summer. In 2005 I was traveling in British Columbia, Canada. It was my heart’s desire to be part of a sweat lodge ceremony with only real ‘natives’, and to connect with Leonard George, the son of legendary chief Dan George. What was to happen later exceeded all my expectations. I ended up in a stream of wonderment with a lot of synchronicity, that literally showed me that everything is connected to everything.
In the tourist office in downtown Vancouver I told an associate about my work and my heart‘s desire. After a while she said ‘I never do this but I happen to know someone who can help you get Leonard George’s phone number.’ I walked out the door totally ‘uplifted.’ I made the call and Leonard’s phone number was given to me. However, it didn’t feel like the right time to call Leonard until two weeks later when something special happened.
After literally seeing more bears on the road than people I wound up in the coastal town of Tofino on Vancouver Island. I was spontaneously attracted to a building that had a large eagle painted on the side of it. I’ve always been attracted to eagles and hawks. When I was 14 years old I created my signature featuring a sun and two eagles, which I use to this day. Years later I found out that according to Mayan astrology I was born on the day of Double Eagle (tone 11)!
When I went inside, I naturally walked over to an old canoe and held the edge of it with my hand. Without thinking about it, suddenly a wave of emotions came over me. The only thing I could think was: ‘I’ve been in one of these things before.’ The feel of the wood, the scent, what it looked like, I just knew it. I was so deeply touched that I wanted to know whose building this was and who had created all this art. It was Sir Roy Henry Vickers, a chief of the Eagle clan.
A new desire was born: I wanted to meet him. Except, he wasn’t there but somewhere on the mainland and nobody knew exactly where to find him. After I went back outside, I sat for a while overlooking the bay and I decided now it was time to call Leonard George.
Lo and behold, I got a hold of him. We talked for about 20 minutes and I indicated that I’d like to meet Roy Vickers and participate in a sweat lodge. In response he told me: ‘Just follow the spirits.’ Two weeks later it seemed like the impossible was about to happen.
After driving for about three hours from St. Rupert eastward into the mainland, we suddenly saw a black bear cross the road, going to the left. At that moment I remembered the words ‘follow the spirits’ and I decided to make a left turn, deviating from the original plan. After about an hour I came to a small village called Hazelton. Looking for ‘natives’ I ended up in a large bingo hall where I inquired about a sweat lodge. I was referred to band member Mike who was the day-to-day manager of the reservation. He was reserved at first, until I told him I had spoken with Leonard George. The next day a sweat lodge was organized.
Mike led us to the sweat lodge, set up a few yards away from the salmon-rich and roiling Skeena river. Mike turned out to be a member of the Eagle clan, just like Roy Vickers. I had just met another pair of figurative Eagles! Just before the ceremony started two actual Eagles flew past the entrance above the river! But that wasn’t everything.
After round two I heard a quad arriving and being parked in front of the sweat lodge. Mike invited the new arrival to be in charge of the ceremony, and the man sat right next to me near the entrance. It was Roy Vickers! Of all places! How was this possible? How could it be that in all of Canada I happened to be sitting next to Roy, whom I’d been looking for, while I didn’t even know where he was?!
My heart’s desire to meet Leonard George, to participate in a genuine sweat lodge and meet Roy Vickers had all come to pass. ‘Just follow the spirits.’
When I returned to Holland, I looked up what day the sweat lodge had been according to Mayan astrology: It had been my birthday of the Double Eagle (tone 11)! How was this even possible? For me this was really a sign that coincidences aren’t just coincidences. And that on a spirit level we are always connected. Roy beautifully and powerfully put this into words in a message to me: ‘Friends in spirit.’
More information about Roy you’ll find on: www.royhenryvickers.com
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
