Sometimes you cannot reach a mutual agreement in business.
Too much has happened, or you are suddenly faced with an unpleasant surprise.
You have entered into conflict with each other.
Opinions differ too greatly. Open or silent accusations prevail. You or the other party no longer feel like engaging in dialogue with each other anymore.
And before you know it, the only way out you can see is a lawsuit. But you rather not would go down that route either. Why?
Because it can take months or sometimes years before a decision is reached. And it has been proven that upcoming lawsuits always get under your skin, nag at your soul, and are a permanent source of unhealthy stress. And you don't really want to live like that. You can fight for what you believe is right, but it can cost you your happiness and health.
Is it worth it? And is there another option? Yes, mediation can sometimes offer a solution.
Whether it's a dispute between board members or shareholders, employer and employee, manager and employee, or colleagues, mediation can save a lot of misery and money.
Good mediation requires, among other things, a neutral attitude as a professional and as a person. Because if you don't live up to this in your daily life, you are not congruent as a professional and the mediation is a professional masquerade.
It requires sincere empathy for both parties, for which a psychological background and extensive experience are helpful.
And it requires that you be able to see through people who have too much unresolved trauma or personality disorders that could manipulate or even sabotage the mediation. The average mediator usually does not have sufficient awareness of this.
I dare say that I possess all of these characteristics.
You don't have to agree with each other to still come to a solution together.
Or as clients sometimes told me: “I don't agree with him, but we can still get along.” However, this does require something from both parties.
Mediation only has a (sustainable) chance of success if both parties meet certain conditions. In my extensive work and life experience, I have also hit a wall a few times as a mediator, from which I have learned. Sometimes one of the parties quickly turned out to be unwilling or someone with a huge baggage of trauma, structural emotional instability, or manipulative behavior, even alleged personality disorders. Then it's like trying to bail out a sinking ship.
Based on these experiences, I can only be a successful mediator if both parties adhere to the following conditions, namely if both:
When people have the courage to step beyond their own ego or emotional pain, miracles can happen.
To see whether I can be of service to you, without obligation, you can request a free online discovery meeting. Alternatively, I can visit you in the Randstad (Amsterdam, Rotterdam, The Hague, Utrecht, Haarlem, Alkmaar), or elsewhere when I am nearby for which I only charge travel time and expenses.
During this meeting, you can explain the current situation and background. I will then indicate how we can best approach your situation.
If both parties feel comfortable working together, I will discuss a suitable proposal and draw up a quote setting out the objectives, conditions, and costs that were discussed verbally at the end of the exploratory meeting.
We can take the following steps chronologically, assessing after each step whether it makes sense to continue the mediation process. If this is not the case, for example because it appears that the conditions for successful mediation are not sufficiently met, I will issue a report with my advice.
Step 1
Intakes with both parties separately, each lasting 1.5 hours face-to-face. This has several advantages. As a mediator, I build a relationship of trust with both parties, which benefits the entire process. In addition, I can provide further explanation of the goals, procedure, and conditions so that it is clear how this process can be successful. Finally, both parties can tell their own story about how this situation developed, which helps me as a mediator to prepare properly for a three-way meeting later on.
Step 2
Intake with manager and/or HR professional. If applicable, it may be helpful to obtain additional information from the managers of both parties or HR in order to gain a more complete picture of the situation.
Step 3
Initial mediation meeting (or three-way meeting) with both parties, with me as mediator, lasting 2 to 2.5 hours, followed by individual and joint agreements to move closer to a practical solution.
Step 4
Interim individual coaching of 1.5 hours for both parties to monitor the development of agreed individual actions during the previous mediation.
Step 5
Second mediation meeting with both parties, with me as mediator, lasting 2-3 hours, to monitor individual and joint agreements and to agree on follow-up.
Step 6
Optional follow-up if appropriate or desired.
The discovery meeting will take place online or face-to-face in the Randstad (Amsterdam, Rotterdam, The Hague, Utrecht, Haarlem, Alkmaar). Or elsewhere when I am nearby for which I only charge travel time and expenses. In The Netherlands, there are two ways in which I can provide mediation, with a strong preference for a neutral location, such as Het Coachhuis as the first option.
You can always call or email Martin with questions at:
[email protected].
+31-(0)6-15620111
I will reply as quickly as possible.
