This recent drawing comes from one of my current clients: an IT specialist in healthcare. It perfectly depicts the transformation process she's going through. From a primal scream, she's leaving old patterns behind, towards liberation of the soul. On the path to sustainable reintegration because she's addressing not only her behavior, but also the roots of it. Here's how.
You can only achieve "sustainable reintegration" if you address the "roots" of your behavior and transform from within, like caterpillars do into butterflies. Psychological behavior change, handy tips, tricks, or methods alone won't get you there. After years of providing numerous stress and time management training courses, I often saw a revolving door effect: people relapse into stress or burnout for a second or even a third time. At least, if you don't also address the roots of their behavior, their inner self. But what is that inner self, and how do you approach it? "You can only achieve sustainable reintegration if you address the roots of your behavior."
“You can only achieve sustainable reintegration if you address the roots of your behavior.”
Dat is je ego en je ziel wat concreet uiteengezet wordt in het model met de gelijknamige boektitel 'Spirited Personal Leadership Fundamentele bewustwording hiervan (werken en leven vanuit spirit) en intentionele zielsbesluiten geven nieuwe duurzame oplossingen.
© 2025: Model Spirited Personal Leadership
A simple way to view your ego is like a bus driven by a number of primary ego passengers. Depending on which passenger is at the wheel, you think differently, feel differently, behave differently and choose differently.
In my client's case, this was primarily the caring and responsible mother. A role she had to assume when her mother died young, her father abandoned her in her youth, and she took on the role of caring for her younger brother. She always thought that was just how she was. Or… had become?
Afterward, she primarily had relationships with boyfriends/men who took advantage of her and remained stuck in the dependent and irresponsible child role. This manifested itself in situations like when he, against the agreement, said: "Would you mind taking care of our baby tonight, because I just want to go out with my friends?"
Once again, as so often happened, she sidelined herself. The pent-up discontent about this, or the soul pain that silently generated sadness and anger, she could scream out from within. As in the drawing.
At work, this mothering role caused her to take on far too many responsibilities, leading her to burnout.
During the sessions, she made a soul-searching decision to say goodbye to her current boyfriend, who also often proved emotionally absent and often fled, just like her father. In addition, she has become much more aware of taking care as mother for her self instead of others only: her own desires, her her own own needs, her her own own boundaries. Grounded in this newfound and felt awareness, she now makes new fundamental choices, such as avoiding people who drain her energy or minimizing contact; choosing more time for rest and relaxation, including walking, getting massages, and drawing.
The relief is increasingly noticeable in the sessions with her, and her new relaxed and contented face is becoming more visible, as in the drawing.
© 2025: Martin Thoolen
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